Well, it's after 6am here. I was sleeping up until the phone rang about 2 hours ago. It was H. He was on his way to the hotel from the casino.
We had a lengthy R talk. Actually, H did all the talking; I listened and only spoke a few times.
H had a lot to say. First, he said he was sorry for doing this at 4am, but he just couldn't sleep and was thinking about this all day. H also said, "I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through, JV. I've done and said so much horrible, horrible s**t to you. I want to mend what needs to be, and I really hope that I'm not too late."
H said he's been feeling like he has been taking me for granted. He knows that I love him, and because I haven't given up on him, he realizes even more just how much he loves me. H said, "You have always been right there for me. You've always been there to hold me, comfort me, and kiss away my tears.......I am so sorry that I've been taking you for granted. You mean everything to me, and you are everything to me. I do not want to lose you, JV......You are so amazing. You are what every man wants. You are beautiful both inside and outside. You are such a loving wife and mother. You're sweet, kindhearted, understanding, and so very forgiving......I've screwed things up so badly over the years, and especially, of course, over the last several months. Now I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I want to give you everything you deserve, JV. ILY so much.......and I am so sorry I said I never wanted kids. In the beginning, I didn't want S9, but you have to know that I do love the boys, JV......Life is too short.....I want to spend the rest of our lives together. ILY and only you, and I want to show you just how much ILY everyday. I've been neglecting you for too long......I want to get rid of my guilt, and I can only do that by doing what's right.....I messed up what we had. We had a really, really good life, JV, and I f***ed it up. I got so damn close to ruining my family and my life with you, and I can't forgive myself for that.....I am so sorry, and I'm so sorry for going back and forth with not knowing what I wanted. I do know what I want; I want to be with you.....ILY, and I wish I was lying next to you right now.....I want us to be ok again. Actually, I want us to be better than ok. I want us to be great together. I can't say how much ILY enough....Please tell me I'm not too late, JV. I've been feeling dangerously close to that happening."
I told H that I've felt like he was taking me for granted, and I was glad that he seemed to realize it. I told him he was not alone in the downfall of our R; we were both to blame.
By this point in the convo, H had reached his room and didn't want to wake (bf), so H said he would talk to me more later. H said he can't wait to get home and "ILY". I told him "ILY, too," then we said bye.
So...it seems like we may be on the right track again. I know to expect a glitch here and there, but hopefully it will be a smoother ride from now on, and I know at this point, it all depends on me.
I can hope. I just can't expect.
BTW, I don't think I'll be giving the letter to H anytime soon if at all.
Thanks for listening.
JV
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
