Trying to find our way to happiness

[ValerieA]

Hello, Sage.

...is realizing that h's actions (or inactions) aren't, in fact, about me...iow, for many years I walked around thinking that whatever h did or didn't do was some reflection on how he felt about me...if he left dishes in the sink it was OBVIOUSLY to piss me off, if he forgot milk at the store it was a tacit dig at me (didn't he KNOW how hard I was working? How could he be so thoughtless TO ME!), etc. What it left me with was a lot of anger and resentment and the "screw you" attitude that was not mighty attractive.

It's as if I wrote this myself!

I've been feeling like this for way too long (even pre-bomb) and because of it, I have always thought that H just didn't care about my feelings. I always thought he was being selfish. Sure, H bought me new or newer cars, a bigger house, or whatever, but it's never been about those things for me. Evidently "Gifts" is not my LL, huh? It's Quality Time. I've been resenting H because of the lack of time he has given me, and since I mentioned this to H before he got home this last time, I was EXPECTING him to do something about it. Even more so since he hadn't left.

Sometime around dday I just dropped the "script" of "what h does is a reflection of his feelings". It may sound completely absurd and impossible to do but, like many things, it's just a habit to be broken. I'm not saying I'm perfect at it (LOL! as if! ) but now I find that I can counsel myself...I am able to catch myself before resentment takes over. I just remind myself..."Hey, it's NOT always about ME!"

WHAT?! You mean you AREN'T perfect?!

It sounds like I need to realize this and do the same. I need to break this bad habit and know that it ISN'T just about ME and it's NOT how H feels about me.

Also, once I stopped "expecting" stuff from h, h started doing more (yes, on his own timeframe but still!). I think the anger/resentment/expectation felt like me trying to control h and he was having NO part of that! But once I eased up on it, well, he really rallied.

Again, yes, I have been EXPECTING more time from H. I have to STOP this because since I've been upset about it, I think it's been showing. Well...yeah. It HAS been showing . Gotta STOP!

Thank you so very much, Sage. You seem to understand me better than I do myself many times! I can never thank you enough, and I always look forward to hearing from you. Thanks again!

Alright, I was going to post about last evening's events, but I have repairman here now, so I'll post again in a bit.

Thanks for listening.

JV