Trying to find our way to happiness

[ValerieA]

Hi again. More updating:

So...H is out playing poker again tonight. I had S9 and S5 call him to say good night then S9 said Dad wanted to talk to me:

Me: "Hello?"
H(upbeat): "Hey! What's going on?"
Me: "Nothing. I was just having the boys call you to say good night."
H: "Oh, ok....Dude, I'm being totally serious right now. If I can make money like this whenever I come to play, I will quit my job tomorrow. I'm not kidding. I'm playing beyond tight right now (basically this means H is playing smart -- like the real poker professionals you see on TV). I would love to do this for a living! I have to get back to the table. I'll talk to you later. Bye."
Me: "Bye."

Ok...it "seems" again as if H is over what happened earlier today. I hope so, and when he gets home, I won't mention a thing.

H has talked about wanting to play poker professionally for a long time. He plays in higher limit games where on a good night, and if you play smart, it's possible to make a grand or two in that night. But along with the good comes the bad. It's also possible to lose just as much if you play wrecklessly or you're just not getting any good hands.

I know H loves poker, and he IS a very intellegent, disciplined player. I think he could do very well in this. BUT...I don't like how much time is involved in it. H would be gone everyday. I just know he would. He would do things with the kids from time to time, but as usual, I would be last on his priority list. That's just how it is. H even told me that himself.

It's been this way for so long. The only thing H seems to ever want to do together now is play cards. It's not even something that can be done together. We ride in the same car to get there, but then we sit at different tables because H plays high limit, and I play low limit.

Like I said, it's been this way for so long. Years to be exact. Other than H losing all the weight that he has, I see no other positive changes in him.

Am I experiencing resentment here? I've been thinking about that for some time now. I don't want to become bitter and angry for feeling neglected, but at times I feel like I am heading in that direction.

Thanks for listening.

JV