It's important to remember that though thoughts influence hormones (placebo effect) it's also true that hormones influence thoughts. In a sex guide from the 1920's that I'm reading, the doctor writes about a female patient that suddenly became very LD. She told her husband and the doctor that she felt like she had achieved a higher plane of being in which she was able to be more intellectual and transcend low physical desires. It turned out she was 4 monthes pregnant with an atypical pregnancy that didn't present the usual symptoms and obviously had an odd effect on her hormones which caused LD and her creative explanation/rationalization of it.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
My H and I seem to be more psych cases than hormonal messes. I know my sex drive kicks in when I feel insecure about the relationship, and my H with his oppositional/rebellious streak, was as horny as all get out last nite because I had my period.
I wish that maturity , comfortability, intimacy, etc...all the "normal" things would work as aphrodisiacs for us.
First of all, our relationship other than the sex was good without any of the big issues that I hear about on here. Think about it. No medical change is going to solve tension in the marriage relating to financial problems. The only nonsexual problems were communications in the way we discussed the sexual problems. The question I had during this time, and Honeypot also questioned, is how can it truly e a loving relationship I she wasn’t willing to try to have more passion in the sex. I’m sure all of the HD people on here felt ‘even if he/she doesn’t feel it why won’t they just do it for me?’ I think that is sort of like asking a color blind person to start painting with colors. They aren’t going to get it right or understand why.
Second issue, my W did have other symptoms of thyroid problems. I will post the checklist of symptoms on a separate post. In our case, the key indicators were; feeling cold, low energy, tiredness, low libido, with many other minor symptoms (puffyness under the eyes, dry eyes, etc). The doctor was treating all these symptoms, not just the low libido. I think that in our case all of these were tied together, certainly the low energy, fatigue and libido were al tied together.
Third issue, real or placebo? I don’t think it is placebo effect that we are seeing, having said that, if it is I really don’t care, I like the results. Most of her other Thyroid symptoms went away, her hands and feet feel warm after taking the thyroid medication, I don’t think placebo effect cause that, the amount of sleep she needs has decreased without her feeling tired, and her general energy level has increased. The sexual respose has changed in a few ways, from a purely physiological standpoint her response to stimulus has changed measured by how ‘wet’ she becomes. Kissing and hugging in bed has resulted in her getting noticeably aroused. Prior to the medication, direct clitoral stimulation only resulted in a fraction of the ‘wetness’ that she now has without stimulation.
Fourth issue, how she feels. She has told me that her overall she feels better, a general feeling of wellness. Plus while walking together she criticized me for having my hands in my pockets, she wanted to hold hands while walking and said that she ‘feels it inside’ when we touch. I don’t know how (or if you should) quantify this effect, and here is where it maybe placebo, or all the other symptoms made this to hard in the past. Do you remember the ‘feeling’ that a touch could bring.. that is back in or relationship.
Fifth issue, you and your doctor. I’m not one to go running to doctors (actually I try to avoid them). The internet is a wonderful resource, and I’m sure that ANY opinion you have could be backed up by a website if you look hard enough (I bet there is a site for people who believe the earth is flat). There are a number of sites that talk about thyroid conditions, and even in the more respected ones the information is contradictory. Our general doctor said that there is nothing wrong, her OB/GYN said that there is nothing you can do (she did prescribe testosterone before but he side effects and possible problems overweighed the effects), the psychiatrist said that they don’t medically treat this in women. Even the endocrinologist said that her ‘numbers’ weren’t extreme, but decided to try to treat the symptoms. This was the key! Finding the right doctor and being your own health advocate. I told my W that I know her better than the doctors, And I can tell if something isn’t right. It took years to convince HER of this. Who am I, just her husband and they went to med school how could I know. Yesterday she apologized for not listening to me and made me promise to let her know if I think she isn’t healthy again. I smiled…
Here is the list of symptoms, the endocrinologist dosent 'rate them' all the same, and lets face it I think EVERYONE can check off a few of them. I added the letters for discussion on here. In my W case we realized AFTER she strated taking the medication that she had some of th symptoms. In her case she had B,C,D,E,F,J,M,Q,S,X,Y,AA,AE, and AM
The checklist asks if I have the following symptoms of hypothyroidism, as detailed by the Merck Manual, the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists, and the Thyroid Foundation of America
A____ I am gaining weight inappropriately B____ I'm unable to lose weight with diet/exercise C____ I am constipated, sometimes severely D____ I have hypothermia/low body temperature (I feel cold when others feel hot, I need extra sweaters, etc.) E____ I feel fatigued, exhausted F____ Feeling run down, sluggish, lethargic G____ My hair is coarse and dry, breaking, brittle, falling out H____ My skin is coarse, dry, scaly, and thick I____ I have a hoarse or gravely voice J____ I have puffiness and swelling around the eyes and face K____ I have pains, aches in joints, hands and feet L____ I have developed carpal-tunnel syndrome, or it's getting worse M____ I am having irregular menstrual cycles (longer, or heavier, or more frequent) N____ I am having trouble conceiving a baby O____ I feel depressed P____ I feel restless Q____ My moods change easily R____ I have feelings of worthlessness S____ I have difficulty concentrating T____ I have more feelings of sadness U____ I seem to be losing interest in normal daily activities V____ I'm more forgetful lately
I also have the following additional symptoms, which have been reported more frequently in people with hypothyroidism:
W____ My hair is falling out X____ I can't seem to remember things Y____ I have no sex drive Z____ I am getting more frequent infections, that last longer AA____ I'm snoring more lately AB____ I have/may have sleep apnea AC____ I feel shortness of breath and tightness in the chest AD____ I feel the need to yawn to get oxygen AE____ My eyes feel gritty and dry AF____ My eyes feel sensitive to light AG____ My eyes get jumpy/tics in eyes, which makes me dizzy/vertigo and have headaches AH____ I have strange feelings in neck or throat AI____ I have tinnitus (ringing in ears) AJ____ I get recurrent sinus infections AK____ I have vertigo AL____ I feel some lightheadedness AM____ I have severe menstrual cramps
We are now into week two of my W on thyroid medication and the ‘results’ are still wonderful, Emotionally, physically, and sexually. Even to the point that friends of hers at work, have commented (without knowing that she is now on medication) that she looks great. There is that much of a physical difference in her (plus the JFL glow doesn’t hurt)
I’m convinced that this is a pretty common thing and is misdiagnosed. She told her parents that she is now on thyroid medication, funny thing, her parents said, her paternal grandfather, and maternal grandmother both had low thyroid symptoms and took ‘some kind of medicine’ for it.
A friend of hers also said that she had been given thyroid medicine to get her into the ‘normal range’ but when she described her symptoms it sounded just like my wife before taking the thyroid medicine. She said she went to her General Practitioner, not an endocrinologist. When my W asked her if her libido was low, her friend said, ‘yeah, how did you know?’
Bottom line, Thyroid related issues can cause low/no libido, plus cause other conditions that can affect sexual relations (weight gain, low energy, irritability, intolerance to cold).
It also appears that most general practitioners, do not understand how to diagnose or treat thyroid conditions.
The guidelines for ‘normal’ thyroid numbers have changed considerably over the years, and even people in the ‘normal range’ can benefit from thyroid medicine.
The dosage should be based on the symptoms, not the lab results.
I’m thrilled that we have found the ‘cure to our problem’ but also a little pissed that I had to become the internet doctor, ignore what our GP told us, and ask the endocrinologist to take care of the symptoms. I wonder how much time we would have spent with a psychiatrist trying to solve a head issue if we hadn’t found the body solution.
Be your own advocate, and make sure that you can truly rule out the medical conditions.
A side note, I always wondered why my W wouldn’t try harder to make me happy sexually. This sounds so basic and almost silly when I write it down, come on, if she loved me she would make more of an effort right? How hard would it be to try to think about my pleasure right? Doesn’t she realize that if the sexual aspects of the marriage were better, the emotional connection would only get stronger? Why can’t she make an effort, if the relationship was good she would want to right? The frustration I felt was unbearable, not looking forward to seeing someone I love because the frustration would physically affect me. Why Am I getting so upset , isn’t this really ‘her problem’ why am I the only one making an effort. Awaiting the next frustration on special occasions or after making the extraordinary romantic effort not getting a ‘payback’. Anyone relate to this? I’m being very blunt but I can’t imagine that was (fun to say was) alone in these feelings.
I know it has only been a week but I look forward to coming home and a simple kiss has feelings in it that I have wanted to feel from her. She so wants to make an effort now that she is feeling better. I understand the concept of ‘just do it’ and that it could work if sex was the issue, I didn’t want sex, I wanted desire and passionate sex, I think in many cases ‘just doing it’ makes things worse if the right ‘pieces’ aren’t in place.
Smiling and looking forward to going home after work!
