You bring up a lot of issues, plus I need to clarify something.
First the clarification, I am fine with the fact that my W doesn’t have an O from intercourse. Really I am! I’m thrilled to ‘do what it takes’ to giver her an O (or two). The reason I brought this up was to eliminate some of the theories the doctors had. Since she can have an O, that means that certain ‘wiring’ is correct. Plus that eliminates many possible psychological issues with her and sex. All of the doctors said that this is a good thing (duh, needed a doctor to tell you that an O is a good thing?), seriously they said that this simple fact is significant physiologically and psychologically.
Now, on to the tissues;
What is normal? You could say that we are just ‘different’ and that neither of us (HD-LD) is abnormal. Sure but to what extreme and who gets to set the scale. I think one of the doctors said it best while describing medical possibilities, this isn’t like a broken bone where you have a binary decision, followed by a analog decision (is it broke yes/no? – how bad is it?) where the analog decision is subjective, at least it can be compared to other cases. Here we have the question, does one of us have a condition that should be addressed, and at what cost (physically, financially, emotionally)?
Maybe if I was LD ad she was LD/ND there wouldn’t be an issue, but needless to say for anyone on here, the differences between is a real problem, but whose problem? Should the Doctor be looking at ways to reduce my desire to better match hers? Hey, why not wouldn’t that ‘solve the problem”?
The frustration of, ‘even if she doesn’t enjoy it’ why wont she just do it because I want/need/ like it?’ is something that LOTS of us have in common. The thing I have realized in My relationship is that even if she does it is a band aid on the problem. Pity sex, emotionless sex, isn’t really sex now is it (or at least not the kind of sex that there should be in a committed loving relationship). I hate to use analogies but in a way it is like trying to get a colorblind person to paint a picture for you. It wont look right for you and you know that eve if they do they wont understand why.
I’m not just looking for the magic pill that makes every thing perfect (would be nice, anyone have some?) but IF you take the leap that she is ‘out of the norm’ and start to rule out the reasons why (the psychologist said her sexual response wasn’t normal and he didn’t think there was a psychological reason why), you need t look at the medical side of things. Plus there are other reasons to look at the medical (cold, fatigue).
I thin the fundamental change emotionally that has happened is that she wants to try to do something about it, whereas before I got the feeling that she felt’ that’s just the way I am’. It makes my life a lot easier knowing my partner is there with me in this. Sure reduces the frustration level even if it hasn’t increased the sexual relationship yet.
