Seriously, though, my gut feeling is that there is nothing wrong with her physically. My H is literally a model of optimum health, including high testosterone, and drive is definitely lower than mine. Furthermore, he doesn't think about sex very much. Hardly ever, in fact.
I have come to accept (begrudgingly and with a great deal of difficulty on some days) that this is just how he is MENTALLY wired. There is nothing 'wrong' with him; it is in his head. He is quite capable of getting aroused and enjoying himself and the equipment works just fine.
What seems to get him most excited is when there is something different about me. He settles into our 'routine' and is quite happy to do the same thing, day after day, including not thinking about sex.
Perhaps your wife just needs a jolt every now and then, to remind her how good sex is.
One other thing is that she needs to own the process. At a certain point, she will have to look at herself in the mirror and say, I want to be more sexual. Until that point, she might just be "going along" for the ride and we all know how horny that'll make a person, lol. This is, unfortunately, the stage that my husband is at. He will do anything on earth to make me happy but he has not yet taken ownership of the process and said to himself, I want to be different! When he does, I expect that things will feel differently, even if there is not a lot of actual difference in frequency. There will be a difference in HIM, of that I am sure.
As far as the not O'ing during intercourse, surely you've heard that this is the norm with women and not some freak thing with her..? I can't O during intercourse unless there is direct clitoral stimulation. There is nothing wrong with my hormones. In addition to that, there are times when my arousal takes a while to kick in. (usually not, to tell ya the truth, but sometimes) I would not think it weird whatsoever that her desire follows arousal...MWD writes about that in her book as a legitimate thing, so can you approach it from that point of view? "This is how my wife's body operates and we will have to go from there." As far as lubrication goes, again, sometimes I got it and sometimes I don't.
I really don't worry at all about the physical signs and whether luck is with me that night. I just do whatever needs to be done in order for it to be a pleasurable experience for him and I.
What I'm trying to say is that, physiologically speaking, your wife doesn't sound all that strange to me.
I think she may have some hangups in how she approaches sex...awkward..not wanting to admit that she likes it or needs it..would prefer that you bring all the heat for herself and you, etc.
But those are mental hangups and not physical. No amount of testosterone is going to turn her from a relatively shy and awkward lover to an aggressive red hot mama, don't you agree? That is a mental shift that will have to take place..
I agree with you that it doesn't necessarily have to be some huge marital problem that is causing her to not have any desire, but that doesn't automatically mean that it is physiological, kwim? It could be that she is just shy or uninterested (at the present moment) in becoming sexual. I have to say that the idea doesn't really appeal all that strongly to my husband...not because he thinks it's gross to be that way, but because he sorta thinks, Oh well I'm fine the way I am.
I walk a fine line between reassuring him, Yes you are fine the way you are, and Wouldn't you like to experience life as a person who considers themselves sexy?
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that for many women sex is between the ears. We don't have the huge chemical onslaughts that you fellas have, so whether or not we feel horny is going to originate from somewhere else. If she does not consider herself sexy, and never has, I would bet that this is the source of her 'no desire' and not that there is something physically wrong with her.
I say this not to rain on your parade, but to point out that in the likely event that her health checks out fine, you will need to have an alternate plan in mind as to how you will tackle this marital conundrum.
