I’m not sure if I explained it as well in this post as in others. Her desire is near zero. She really doesn’t enjoy sex, she does enjoy like an O, but other than that there is no desire at all. When we do have sex, she is willing but there is no real interest or desire, this results in a sex life that isn’t very enjoyable for ether of us.
If I do try to get her aroused, I sometimes can but not very often. With lubrication, I can bring her to an O using my hand or orally. If there is any desire (not frequently) it only last around the time of her O. Is she denying me sex, technically no, is she enjoying sex, no. Has she discounted my need for sex, yes actually, by not wanting to (until recently) work on the quality of the sex to try to bring it to a level where it is ML, not masturbation is discounting my needs.
I don’t think her SD is ‘within normal parameters’. I think with normal parameters she should have some desire, resulting in arousal, should feel desire and/or arousal during sex and would have sexual thoughts some times. Her desire is so low that if I didn’t initiate and mention (repeatedly over the years) the problem, we probably would not have a sex life. Lets relax and enjoy the sex would be a good plan if it was just a matter of quantity and not quality.
She is willing to try to look into the problem but this is just recently (been married 15 years). I think hearing a number of different doctors all saying that they agree something isn’t right, has gotten her in the frame of mind that this is a problem that needs to be fixed, or at least continue trying to fix it. Her SD has gotten slowly lower over this time. I would expect that as we get older (both 40) or drives would both decrease, but in her case she started from such a low drive anyway. Other ‘symptoms’ do tend to point at a medical problem that if not directly related could be indirectly related to our problem.
