Over the last few years, I have become convinced that most of the problems in my marriage are physiological, which then in turn caused non physiological issues.
If you have seen my postings, we really have a good relationship other than the quality of sex. Quantity isn’t really the issue, with my W ‘willing but not wanting’. For years I have had my thoughts that something wasn’t right medically. I finally convinced her to talk to her doctor about her lack (almost zero) of desire. Her OB/GYN gave her testosterone to try, it did have some positive effects but she didn’t like the side effects. Afterwards, her OB/GYN told her t ‘drink a glass of wine’ before going to bed, and that should take care of it. It took me 3 years to convince her to go see her regular doctor, he did a few test and told her to go see a psychologist. She is in pretty good health in general.
Now here is the thing, I’m sure some of it is in her head, let’s face it there is a mind and body connection when it comes to sex (well at least good sex) but the doctors dismissed the body portion quickly. If I came to the doctor and told him that I couldn’t get a hard on, I bet that the physical aspects wouldn’t be dismissed so quickly.
We did go to the psychologist (we went together, at the doctors suggestion), he didn’t find anything that jumped out at his as being wrong. No relationship problems, communication problems, none of the indicators that cause sexual issues. Any problems like frustration, animosity were caused by the sexual issues not the other way around. He suggested that if we want to try to work those out he could help but didn’t think that he could do much about the cause. He suggested that we look into sleep apnea or other physical issues. The sleep specialist didn’t think that was a problem at all, if fact he said, ‘sounds like your doctors are working there way through the not the problem check off sheet’.
I insisted that she go see an endocrinologist for thyroid. She did, her TSH was 4.3 (not traditionally considered out of whack) but the endocrinologist decided to treat the symptoms not the test readings! He has given her a prescription for thyroid hormones, let’s see how it works. For the first time in years I feel like we are trying to do something about the problem and not just working around it. Her attitude changed during the trips to the doctor from, ‘if that will make you happy I will go to the doctor’ to realizing that something isn’t right, this isn’t just the way I am and wanting to do something about it.
That alone has made these recent steps worthwhile for me. It is amazing to me how my attitude has changed just knowing that she does want to do something about the problem and we are trying something.
