Chapter 3: Spring and the Journey Continues

[BethM]

Hi Pam,

Just checking on my favorite people on the board.

I love what Michele said about reframing. I like that approach. It turns everything around, right?

When we were married we were always much more than someone's wife, so of course we are so much more the title 'divorce' ' suggests.

It's funny because we are all here because of our circumstances, but I don't ever think of any of my friends here as 1 dimentional. Maybe that is what attracts me to certain people, the fact that they are soooo much more than the way they see themselves. We all need someone to tell us we are unique and and special and appreciated.

So Pam, you ARE unique and special and VERY appreciated!

Love,
Bethie

[psluke]

Gee Bethie,

Thank you.

Going off Michele's post and the article I am doing lots of thinking. Poor brain!

[Underdog]

Hear, hear! Pam, I'm going to second (no, third) Michele and Bethie's words of affirmation. You do deserve them!

You know what I've noticed about you over the past two years? You are quick with comforting words and hugs and support. You've also never said an unkind word to anyone here, even when the advice was strong. It takes a big person to be consistently kind to people, especially when you haven't met any of them in person.

So know that you are appreciated!

Hugs and have a great weekend!

Betsey

[psluke]

Hi Betsey,

Thank you very much.

I seldom have the words to say but I have discovered during this time just a comforting hug and support goes a long ways towards helping with pulling yourself out of whatever is going on. Used to I would have ran from emotional sitch's not feeling I had anything to say, now I try to just give some support and comfort. I feel that is a growth in myself.

I do believe I have said some unkind words about both J and D over the past two years!

[MovinOn]

Hi Pam!!

Have a great weekend!! Any plans? Or are you and the kids taking it easy this weekend?

[psluke]

Hi MO,

Well, I took a vacation day today to go to a herding seminar, auditing only so none of the kids were going.

Woke up with BAD cramps and pains shooting down my legs even. Then took a pain pill on and empty stomach and was very dizzy, hot and nauseaus. The day has been mostly spent in and out of sleep and rather doped up. This is the worst one in a while, what a vacation day!

Tomorrow FB has an obedience lesson with the top trainer in our area.

Then Sunday probably all will go to the agility course and do a few obstacles just to take the edge off of them. They are terribly obnioxus if they have to stay home all weekend!!!! Actually they haven't been just dreams to have around today. This is the down side of them getting in better shape and getting into the habit of going so much!

[psluke]

You know I have figured out a part of why I get down is I feel of no value to anyone and so rather useless.

I mean the one person that should value you, walked out of my life to be with another woman.

I know no one is indespensible, but got the point driven home this afternoon when we were in an office meeting and I found out that most of my job is being done away with and the office manager hadn't even bothered to let me know.

These are the times I just don't want to go on and participate in life. I want my hole and my shelties and never to come out again.

[sage]

Pam,

I'm very sorry to hear about your job, girlfriend!

But I'm going to take exception at one of your assertions...

I mean the one person that should value you, walked out of my life to be with another woman.

The ONE person who should value you above all else is YOU. I'm not saying you can't expect to be valued and courteous treatment, etc, etc, from the rest of the world but YOU are your biggest fan and best VALUER.

SO...After so very good pampering or a good cry or both...what are you (the one who values you above all else) going to do about looking for a better, more fantastic job where the people you work with wouldn't, for one second, reduce your job by a bunch w/o discussing it with you first?

YOU are a valuable asset, Pam...let's get you someplace where they know that.

Sage

[MicheleTW]

Pam, I am so sorry you're feeling blue. I know that feeling of uselessness and valuelessness. It's a crappy place. I'm so sorry you're there.

I don't know you very well, but, for me, what you said is not true. I would miss you if you didn't post. Your posts are thoughtful and reassuring. They have value to me.

I want to recommend a book to you which really changed my life. It's "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie. I think you may know that I'm a life coach and I use Katie's work almost everyday with clients, and with myself. It can really help you see your life in a different way, and I hope you get her book or the book-on-tape, which I understand is quite wonderful.

If I can help you in any other way, know I'm here.

Your friend,
Michele

[psluke]

Hi Sage,

So question, is it progress that I actually thought when I wrote that, that it should be me that values me the most?

Ok, had the cry and the pampering will have to wait!

Got home and talked to M, (neighbor/friend), my next door neighbor now has a Rottweihler that apparently kept running away from it's owner and coming over here. He has it staked right against my fence so when the shelties go out they are barking their fool heads off. Not good in a subdivision and I don't want to draw attention to us, at least anymore than everyone already thinks I'm the crazy dog lady!

Came in the house and both boys had been really sick today. Put them out to potty and then Shimmer had to have a bath, Frostbyte I just wiped off. Called the vet as anyone that remembers 2 years ago it was Frostbyte that I couldn't get to stop vomiting and he ended up throwing up tons of blood all over the place and in bad shape for several days. She said keep a close eye on them and if I have problems overnight I can bring them in tomorrow morning.

Back to the job.

Realizations:

1. I'm still emotional, I KNOW this by now.
2. I still have a job, so I'm overreacting
3. Things still haven't been worked out so I don't know exactly what is going to happen; other than one brief sentence in the meeting.
4. I am definitely being a whiny wimp. I have read some threads on this bb where people are dealing with things in their life that I WOULD NOT be able to deal with at all.
5. I am actually very fortunate.
A. I have a home
B. I have friends
C. The kids and I are all still together and having fun trying new activities


I still miss D, at least the D I married. But I did realize the other day that the R we had even in the beginning probably isn't one I would want to go back to exactly like it was then! Think that might be progress.