The realization that hit me Monday is I am in almost the same identical rut that I was in when I went through my first divorce. Even though D was around and I had happy, fun times the other stuff was still there. At that time I attributed the tiredness to stress, as in after the stress had lessened my body let down and tried to recoop.

Now I think it is a combination of stress and depression. I also did not feel well a lot of the time after my first divorce and again same thing now. I seem to have a lot more off days than on days. Thinking this may also be depression.

Their are no similarities in the two divorces; other than I ended up divorced both times, so I just didn't realize I am feeling and doing almost exactly the same things again.

I am also eating a lot, (emotional I'm sure), and getting almost no exercise. Have gained 13 lbs since I think November is last time I weighed. So I'm sure the extra weight is adding to my general not feeling well. I did the same thing last time, gained a lot of weight and didn't even realize it that time till it was all gained!

I think I had a spell there for a while where I wasn't struggling with the depression but I am sure that I am now. Last time around I did not realize it.

I am still on the 50 mg dosage of Zoloft, which is half of what I was on as we were stepping me down. I need to go ahead and finish the stepping down before I am out of medication. But want to put some other things in place to work on the depression before I finish coming off the Zoloft.

I guess I'm not sure what I am looking for here other than I KNOW this pattern isn't where I want to go but I'm not really sure how to start changing it.

Pam

"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned
so as to have the life that is waiting for us"