Chapter 3: Spring and the Journey Continues

[psluke]

Pam,

If you don't go to the dog club and D and OW do, then you don't know how poeple would treat you. Perhaps it is time to reclaim your place in the dog club, with your head held high. You have done nothing wrong. You will know when you are ready to do it.

I have purposely not avoided going to a part of town where OW1 lives. She also uses the bus on my bus route, on the rare occasions when I have to use a bus to get into town. I will NOT be hounded out of town by what THEY did.

The one time I met OW1 face to face only a few weeks ago, SHE was the one who couldn't meet my gaze, even behind her dark glasses.

I have no wish to meet either of the OW in my life, but on the other hand I won't be prevented from living my life to the fullest in order to avoid them either.

Livnlearn

[sage]

Pam,

Morning.

Re. what you posted from Minnie's thread...so...how can you "talk back" to those negative thoughts?

Sage

[psluke]

Hi LnL,

It isn't that I think the people would treat me badly. Although one lady that I thought was my friend wouldn't sign an application for me that was going to be published as she didn't want Janice to see her name signing for me.

I probably didn't make sense and maybe it wouldn't matter to me anyway but I would like to see that people thought what they did wasn't acceptable. Instead they have given J lots of responsibility at the club and at the Awards dinner in January the President really made over what she had accomplished more so than some others who had actually done more than she had last year with their dogs.

I don't want to go back to that club as I am finding so many nice folks that don't go there!

I just wanted them to feel some effect from their actions. Guess it is that desire for vengence.

I keep telling myself: Vengence is mine sayeth the Lord. I may have the quote off a bit but that is what goes through my mind. I just haven't released my desire for it yet.

Hope I made some sense as this feels like a jumbled post!

[psluke]

Hi Sage,

I don't think I can talk back to those thoughts other than to say that those things can't really stop me from enjoying my life. They weren't my choices and they weren't something I could control.

[MovinOn]

Pam,
Just a thought here, cause right now you sound like my little sister. You can't "make" people (like the dog club) "see" what happened. There will be people who chose to "side" with J, but you may be just as suprised to know that most of them don't care what happened. It didn't affect them. Their lives went merrily on.

If J has been "given" responsibilities, it's cause she wants them. Not necessarily because she's liked. Most organizations are delighted to have anyone take on the work!

So if you want to go back to the club, GO! Hold your head up high! You didn't do anything wrong. You've had an emotional upheaval in your life. So go! Put a smile on your face and don't remark on J or D's actions. Remember, actions speak louder than words!!!

Mom and baby are doing great! Mom is a spotted saddle horse and dad is a Tennessee walker. The baby, Covergirl's Miss Priscella {Miss Priss} is pale brown, strange colored legs and she has black on the lower backs of all 4 legs. Quite different!! She is changing daily. Should be interesting to see what she ends up looking like.

[psluke]

but you may be just as suprised to know that most of them don't care what happened. It didn't affect them. Their lives went merrily on.

You know you are right and I NEED to drop that rope. Sometimes I wish someone could just brainwash me and I wouldn't remember there was ever a Janice or David in my life.

Put a smile on your face

Interesting you should say that, D & J's first affair when the club was talking she would just smile when people would say something. I of course knowing her (or so I thought), didn't believe it was true and never discussed it with her. She told me about when D and I were dating and I brought it up to him and he denied it. I should have ran not walked right then!

Covergirl's Miss Priscella {Miss Priss}

I like her name. I would love to see a picture!

[MovinOn]

I'll send one as soon as I figure out how to send it!!

I think sometimes we hang onto those ropes cause we think they are important. This one isn't, so let it go. Plaster a smile on that face, and get moving!

[debcb]

Hi Pam, just dropped over to check on you. I don't have a darn thing to add, I think MO has said it all.

HOWEVER, I sure identify with how darn hard it is to paste that smile on, hold your head up and walk back in. There are days (many still) when I hide out here in my building so I dont' have to deal with seeing her. it's tough!

I guess my commiseration is all I have to add today! However, I do believe there will come a time when we get past it!

[psluke]

Hi MO,

I guess it is and has been important to me for all the reasons that Minnie listed on her thread. I know it is that vindictive part of me that wants them to be looked down upon for their behaviours. But you know what, other people's opinions don't matter to them or they wouldn't have been so public with both of their affairs.

Looking forward to pictures.

[psluke]

I guess my commiseration is all I have to add today! However, I do believe there will come a time when we get past it!

Hi Deb,

Thank you and I agree I just wish it would HURRY!!!!!!

But on the other hand I want to heal completely, not rush through it and paper over holes that are left inside of me.

Chatting with a friend today that is recently divorced and they are already involved elsewhere and I was thinking that another R would help to not think of that list so much.

BUT, for me that would be a superficial healing and would leave the mess inside. Been there, done that and didn't even get a t-shirt! I may be blond, but I won't go that route again as it definitely didn't work for me!!!!!!!!

I apparently have to take the 'long way home', what fun.

Today I took a journey through time. I went through my organizer on my computer back to when I was dating D, the house shopping, house purchase, wedding, and some of the stuff we did together that I always thought we enjoyed. It isn't a journal but it has dates, times and brief descriptions in it.

Then it came to the A meetings and times D didn't come home on time, got to work late, took long lunches, half days off.

I have no idea why I did that today but I think I am still trying to put the man I thought I married into a perspective with the man I now know I married and they sure as H*LL aren't the same person!!!!!!