Sometimes I feel reading here is good for me to see what did go wrong in my marriage and what I would never want to repeat in any sort of relationship I might be in someday.
Other times I read and think why couldn't D and I have made those changes and saved our marriage. Then I have to remind myself that he probably had the ideal of J in his mind all along and that was what he truly wanted even though he probably didn't realize it when he asked me to marry him.
Heard a song this morning on the drive to work titled i think, "she's gona make it and he never will", not that D will have any trouble making it but is he living HIS life or just taging along living his life through someone else living their life?
I know I NEED to drop this rope. It seems I do then come up against people talking about he and J or try to plan to attend something and don't want to go because it is something they may be attending. Then I start all over with why couldn't we. I wish I would hurry up and process.
I also think really I am right where I need to be. In my case I need to see that I can make it on my own and that I don't NEED another person in my life. It is a slow yucky process, I guess it is finishing up growing up. Wish I had done it a long time ago and weren't having to do it now!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
