I am and then I'm not. I sometimes feel sorry for D because I'm not sure he has found himself yet.
I am guessing he is fairly happy as he is keeping busy running to dog shows every weekend and probably training classes or training somewhere during the week. Going out to dinner and no responsibilities.
Last I was there he doesn't do anything at our house. His stuff was all there pretty much the way it was when he moved out almost two years ago.
But, deep down is he TRULY happy? Does he know himself? I don't really feel he does. His way of living his life is to live it through someone else in a way. Obviously this is my perception of what he does and he probably would say differently!
Sorry I signed off. The kids and I have a 4 am wake up time and I needed to get Frostbyte groomed as I think a friend is going to borrow him tomorrow for the herding seminar.
It is wet and muddy here and her dog doesn't care for those sort of conditions and mine don't mind them at all as they prove to me daily when it is wet and muddy out!
You have an advantage with the cats there, no wet muddy foot prints coming in!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I am guessing he is fairly happy as he is keeping busy running to dog shows every weekend and probably training classes or training somewhere during the week. Going out to dinner and no responsibilities.
But, deep down is he TRULY happy? Does he know himself? I don't really feel he does. His way of living his life is to live it through someone else in a way. Obviously this is my perception of what he does and he probably would say differently!
I understand completely what you are saying.
You mention him running around - busy - from other things you've said, absorbed into someone else's life. If he stopped for one minute, spent a little time alone - would he recognize the man in the mirror? Sure it's what you see, but who's to say you don't see the truth?
The truth will come out. My H has been true to his patterns. And if it is who he honestly is, then so be it. I have a better idea who he is now then when we were together. And this is the right thing to do. Morally and ethically we have some BIG differences. And spiritually. All this didn't surface until about 6 months into our marriage. But that's a whole 'nother story.
Sometimes I feel reading here is good for me to see what did go wrong in my marriage and what I would never want to repeat in any sort of relationship I might be in someday.
Other times I read and think why couldn't D and I have made those changes and saved our marriage. Then I have to remind myself that he probably had the ideal of J in his mind all along and that was what he truly wanted even though he probably didn't realize it when he asked me to marry him.
Heard a song this morning on the drive to work titled i think, "she's gona make it and he never will", not that D will have any trouble making it but is he living HIS life or just taging along living his life through someone else living their life?
I know I NEED to drop this rope. It seems I do then come up against people talking about he and J or try to plan to attend something and don't want to go because it is something they may be attending. Then I start all over with why couldn't we. I wish I would hurry up and process.
I also think really I am right where I need to be. In my case I need to see that I can make it on my own and that I don't NEED another person in my life. It is a slow yucky process, I guess it is finishing up growing up. Wish I had done it a long time ago and weren't having to do it now!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Interesting. I read Underdog's thread and she talked of the difficulties of letting go.
I read her thread and things there seem to really hit home. Then I don't read for awhile and then go read where she is at. I wonder if I read and then need to process and absorb, there is always so much information there and when I'm ready for more, hopefully progress, I go back and read again.
I seem to be in thinking mode today. It goes in cycles. I do believe that someday I will have wrestled with it to where I go on and don't have the regrets pop up as often or the anger that surfaces at times.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: Other times I read and think why couldn't D and I have made those changes and saved our marriage.
Because you were not yet at the right place to be able to exercise so much wisdom? You are no doubt a different person now, and to be able to look back on growth is a good thing, no?
Quote: Then I have to remind myself that he probably had the ideal of J in his mind all along and that was what he truly wanted even though he probably didn't realize it when he asked me to marry him.
Or maybe he is still running away from himself? Or maybe he does not get 'it'? Or... you see where I'm going?
Feeling pretty alone today. Didn't realize how much I still depend on just once in a while having someone to interact with during the day. My e-mail is down so no e-mails today.
Yes, I believe I am a bit of a different person than the one that was trying to save her marriage. I have even tried to maintain a cordial relationship with D, we do have business to eventually handle together.
I also know I really do have a long ways to go yet. I wish I were even half as far along as Betsey is, but then I wouldn't be me, would I?
I certainly understand on the exit interview as I wish I had gotten one, but as she states it probably wouldn't be the truth as that isn't where either of our H's are at in their personal growth. I also think although feeling it doesn't always work, that the only answers we really need are inside ourselves.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Slowly
