Chapter 3: Spring and the Journey Continues

[psluke]

Cool quote that I got this morning in an e-mail.

To have played and laughed with enthusiasm,
and sung with exultation - this is to have succeeded.


Ralph Waldo Emerson

[sage]

Boy your emails are turning up all kinds of cool stuff this AM!

Sage

[psluke]

Aren't they though??

I love mornings like this, I think sometimes when I get down is when I have no contact with anyone all day.

This isn't a friendly place to work and almost no one speaks to one another. This is most days the only time I see other people, I am trying to monitor but believe it bothers me at times.

Although I am no longer sure I could live with someone I have gotten so used to having my house to myself and doing stuff the way I want it and what I want.

Just this morning I was thinking I NEVER knew who I was, when married my life was taylored to trying to please or do what the other person would want. Even if not sucessful that was what I tried to do and that never let me JUST be me!

But, yeah I still miss the jerk too. That close companionship I guess is a good trade off for the other stuff.

[Much_wiser]

If I had a dime for every time I've felt you were reading my mind, we could both retire.

I found your journal through my STBX. Just never had the courage to speak up before now.

[psluke]

Hi,

When you find someone handing out those dimes don't forget to share! I'd love to retire.

My ex still has lots of issues he hasn't dealt with and if your STBX is who I think it is I believe he still has some issues as well.

But then, don't we all???????????

[Much_wiser]

Yes, we all do have issues. And we all deal with them differently as well.

I prefer to get myself together before I drag someone else into my life. But that isn't necessarily good for everyone.

I also prefer not to perpetuate my issues......and my STBX is back to his old self. So, our decision was right for both of us. Maybe wife #3 will deal with it better than myself and the one before me. For his sake, I hope so.



I owe you an apology. I'm sorry about the phone call a while ago. There's no excuse for thoughtlessness. I'm sorry.

I realize since you and he have been friends so many years, I will not impose myself here. But I felt the need to apologize and acknowledge your mind reading skills!

Peace to you! You are a strong and wonderful woman! I enjoy reading about your kids - mine are my strength most days!

G

[psluke]

I think that it is best to get yourself together before ending up in another relationship. At least for me it would be.

Thank you for the apology.

I think you might have me confused. I met him on the bb and so have not been friends for years. I think I was a help when it was the worst for him. It was emotionally draining at times. I know my friends were telling me I had to draw boundaries, but that isn't me. If I feel I can help I will.

Thank you for the compliment. I am no ways strong. But the kids and I we are going to survive!

They are my reason for getting up most days and that unconditional love they give doesn't hurt either.

I am very sorry for your recent loss of your oldest baby.

Even when you know it is close it still hurts.

[Much_wiser]

You and I are aligned in our thinking. That's why I've found so much inspiration in your posts.

I'm not confused. When the phone call happened, I asked him who you were then. He told me that he knew you and your husband (didn't tell me you two were divorced) for many years from Indiana. You all were old friends.

Why did he lie? He led me to believe you physically knew each other for a long time. So, thank you for the truth.

"I am no ways strong. But the kids and I we are going to survive!"

That's the strength I'm talking about. Knowing you will survive despite it all.

Losing Tigger was very hard. Broke my heart. She was my first cat when I moved out on my own. After 18 years, she'd been through it all with me and still loved me. I still can't even type about her without crying. It was hard when H showed very little sympathy during that time. Even though he knew how absolutely dear she was and still is to me. It's that feeling of wishing you could hold them one more time.....even though I held her long after her last breath. Sometimes I don't know where to put myself. Thank you for thinking of her.

[psluke]

It's that feeling of wishing you could hold them one more time....

I KNOW that feeling sooo well.

It did bother him if that helps to know. He really felt he needed to give you your space.

As I said, I think some miscommunication.

[Much_wiser]

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but he used many excuses to support his emotional constipation.

But I'll save the rest of that for private conversation.

I am sure there was some miscommunication. Most of that stemmed from me trying to sort out the untruth from the truth. There was always a mix in there.

No, I'm not bitter.