To not NEED another person to fill a void, to fill that void with my life and happiness so that if there ever is another person they don't become the center of my life. I think this is the big over all goal and the goals below are the steps to work towards accomplishing this state of mind and enjoyment of my life.
I think I am making progress on this main overall goal as I am filling my life with other activities. I still at times miss that close companionship I had with D but it isn't as often as it used to be.
I believe I have made more progress in this area, that miss of close companionship is still once in a while there but not as often now days.
Something I have also came to realize is I depended on D for every facet of my activities. It is good to have friends in different areas for different activities. I am working to try to cultivate friends with different interests or at least learn more of my dog friends interests so that our friendship laps into different areas.
Lately it has been all dog stuff, but the Nationals was a bit of a push to be ready for the show!
Continue to work on the black/white thinking and emotional reacting. Focus on Thinking first, then Act if necessary.
I haven't read much in the books I want to read yet but do feel I am making some progress in this area. Have had to deal with some not very nice e-mails from D and have worked really hard on my responses rather than do my old knee jerk reacting.
Haven't heard from D in quit some time and have had some emotional times when I just wanted to write him a scathing e-mail. Tell him I was going to take him back to court and how awful I though he was for all the lies and the affair. Each time I didn't do it. I still think I do lots of b/w emotional thinking but also feel I am getting better at realizing when I am doing it and working to stop it.
Continue monitoring the self talk and redirecting it when necessary
This seems to be going pretty well most of the time. Still have emotional spells where I know I'm not redirecting it as much as needed.
Still monitoring and still doing negative self talk. But working on it!
Spend more time with my friends
A friend went with me to one of the herding lessons. A new friendship that I am building went with me to a different herding lesson. Starting a puppy class this week and two of my friends that I haven't seen that much lately are also taking puppies to the class.
The puppy class fell through as one friends puppy was sick and the other one's got hurt. Still I am talking with both of them a bit more often now. Have mostly been spending time lately with Shara working on herding to be ready for the Sheltie Nationals!!!
Work on organization and fitness
This is an area that has totally made no progress and I think if anything is worse!
STILL no progress! Going to have to adjust some priorities!!!!
Work with Shara on herding
Shara has been doing great with the herding. We have had at least one lesson a month and some months two, as well as going to the friend's house and her just letting me fool with the dog with her sheep.
This coming weekend we are going to a seminar that is for total beginners as Shara having the instinct knows more right now than I do about the herding!
The end of April we are signed up for a 2 day working clinic.
This has went well! She now has her first leg towards her HT title at the young age of 11 years!
Check on working Tara in agility
Tara did a 7 week beginning agility class and now we are going to try getting out to the outdoor course close to me a couple of times a month or more.
I am also rejoining the agility club that I used to belong too and let the membership lapse the year that the divorce went through.
I have my membership renewed now and have taken Tara out to the outdoor course a time or two. Hope to take her to a show n go this weekend so she can work someplace new.
Work Frostbyte in obedience
He and I have been going to classes steadily since we started in January. I haven't worked him as much as I should be but he is still doing very well on what he knows.
Have found out that he also enjoys working with the sheep so when time permits will let him do that as well as Shara.
This has not had much progress lately as all the focus has been on getting Shara ready for the Nationals. Getting ready to revamp the dog schedule now that the Nationals are over.
Take Shimmer out more
Have been taking him with me almost every time I go to classes and any chance I get walk him around at new places. He also did one practice track and I think he acted like he will like it as soon as I get more time to work on it!
Shimmer is getting to go out. Still very shy about it but try to get people to pet or feed him when I take him places.
Keep my house cleaner, Flylady here I come.
This just hasn't been happening! I am working on taking small steps to get back to a level that I am comfortable with before going back to focusing on unpacking boxes.
No progress. But making plans.
Keep the shelties groomed better.
Still not as good as I would like but we are definitely doing better than we had been.
About the same, still needs improvement.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
The kids and I made the show n go Saturday. Really a nasty yucky day.
I am finding as I am making these drives that I dwell on David and Janice. But in the dwelling I try to put each memory in a perspective that is logical, not black/white and not strictly emotional! That doesn't mean my first thoughts aren't that way but maybe for me what I HAVE to do is go through all of the experiences in my head and look for the gray in them so I am at peace to file them away. Not sure but hope that is what my mind is doing!
I really am not unhappy without D in my life, on the other hand I still miss the person I felt he was when I married him. So it is a mix that I haven't arrived at a comfortable place in yet.
Tara didn't do so well Saturday as we discovered she is a mommy's girl and didn't want to stay with S on the course!
FB on the other hand will go with someone that has food! LOL Just like a male, no loyalty. Sorry, couldn't resist!!!
My Shimmer crawled over into S's lap and stayed for awhile, he does appear to be making progress with all of his trips out.
Callie wanted to greet all the dogs and all the people. She finally wore me out and I put her up and gave her lunch!
Shara didn't get to go in but since she has received the lions share of attention lately that is the way it worked out.
Today I drank too much coffee and have the jitters this afternoon on top of the PMS. Such fun! Maybe I will put the jitters to work and get some house cleaning done this evening.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Realize that I am still not close to being ready to face seeing D & J together at shows and meetings. Not sure how long that will be coming and I hope when it happens it is one of those things that isn't as bad as you dread it will be.
I still think it would be easier to put this all behind me if I didn't have to face seeing them to get back into my hobby.
I also realize that I get locked onto wanting the kids to get titles and to put an ad in our club newsletter and that is all for me to try to build my self esteem back up from having my husband chose another woman.
I have to pull myself back from that and realize that if the kids don't enjoy what we are doing we aren't going to do it and it isn't their job to build my self esteem back up but mine! They are there with their unconditional love and D & J can't take that away from me.
I wish D would have came to the conclusion that some of the h's did that he is very sorry for what he has done and that he wanted our R to work. But looking back at my threads I knew in the beginning that I couldn't fight Janice and win. But, I tried! Got to give myself credit for trying, didn't get it right most of the time, but I didn't give up.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Reading yesterday on the sheltie bb that I post on and followed a link to 9/11 canine hereos. When you think of something like that you realize how fragile and uncertain life can be. It also seems to put petty feelings and thoughts into a different perspective.
My first thought was why couldn't D have chosen to work on our marriage. Then looking at it from D's side how sad not to have left to be with the woman you truly love. I believe that he loved her even when he married me. Not necessarily knowlingly. I believe he thought he loved me when he married me it was when he found out she was going to be available again that he realized she was the one he really loved and wanted to be with.
I at least wish he had handled things a bit differently but emotional situations aren't easy to handle for most people and for him with his conflict avoidance I think especially difficult.
I'm not to forgiveness or wishing them well yet, but maybe closer to understanding what happened.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I still think I do lots of b/w emotional thinking but also feel I am getting better at realizing when I am doing it and working to stop it. 
I am working on taking small steps to get back to a level that I am comfortable with before going back to focusing on unpacking boxes. 
At least I didn’t know that before my lesson. 