Hmmm... maybe I read into the MC reasons too deeply. But I’ll tell you why I did do what she suggested:

Most of our MC was really more about me telling my W (and the C) about what I had been personally discovering in my own therapy. Because of that, I was reading all kinds of books too (something “..Angry Marriage” (can't recall the entire title), “How to be an Adult in a Relationship” and some others. At that time I had not picked up DR/DB, as I didn’t think we were at that stage!). She felt that I was spending too much time on investigating the R, instead of focusing on me (since the reason our R was in a bad please was somewhat because of my deficiencies) at this stage.

Now, that being said, I think my W had gone into the MC in the wrong frame of mind, and did not express what her frame of mind was to me or the C. I had asked, before we even started why my W was going. All she would say “why do you think?”, and leave it at that. So what WAS I supposed to think?

After 3 or 4 sessions, just before the last one, my W said that she was agreeing to the MC to “understand you” (meaning me). Which totally blew me away. Why the hell didn’t she just ask me what my personal counseling was uncovering outside of the MC, instead of giving me hope that we were working on things, so that we COULD focus on the R, not just me.

So, you can see why the MC would say not to read those books as we were at that time just looking at me. The MC didn’t know my W had basically checked out (even though my W was pointedly asked about her reasons of coming to MC when we started). I would say that 80-90% of the time in MC, I was the one doing the talking. My W would not contribute much (no, it wasn’t me monopolizing the conversation, unable to keep my trap shut!). So for all intents and purposes, the MC and myself were just happily (well… not happily) going along, thinking things were where they needed to be at the time.

I do think it is time for me to read the books now. Though I know it would make me sad to know that the stuff in the books would help if my W and I had an R… it’ll be for the most part… dry-run stuff. Just info, techniques, etc. for the next R (which I hope will be an R with my W!)

Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past. – Alexa Young