I just wanted you to know that I'm following your sitch attentively and wish I had some good suggestions. I can really relate to the difficulties of going darkish when there is so much inbuilt connection (as parents or future parents). I can also identify with the old flame fantasies.
I trust that you will soon find a way through this. It seems to me that you always do.
Bon courage, Wendy
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012