Quote: Ellie, H2H, and others remind me that detachment was What’s Working before. I just don’t understand how to do it while in such close proximity. I’ve tried to cut down on instigating affection, but he comes to me and cranes his neck all out of proportion to get a kiss, and if it’s too perfunctory, he comes in with his eyes open for another, just to be sure. I’ve tried to be Just the Facts, Ma’am, but he just becomes sullen and cranky (like this morning when we woke up).
I'm not sure you're interpreting us right, J. Yes, I did suggest that withdrawal was what worked before - but that was "moving on" withdrawal, not "I'm here but I'm not going to be happy or affectionate with you" withdrawal - I think that's a bad tactic, because it just plays into his fear that you'll never forgive him and he can never make you happy.
I say, bring Swiss Miss up in your next therapy session, and do not allow it to get derailed this time. No need to let him know you snooped, just time to insist that he inform her that he's having a baby with you, and do it in front of you, so you can read what he writes. It's not an unreasionable request if he wants you to move in with him.
Meanwhile - let go and just try to have some fun. Enjoy that life growing inside of you, the sunshine, all the good things in life.
