Quote: IF you knew SO was not going to step up to the plate in this R, where would you want to be?
I don't know if this is helpful to you, Jennifer, but may I tell you my experience? I was with XH for over 20 years. For each of those years, I waited for him to "step up to the plate." In fact, I used those exact words. I waited for him to step up as a partner, as a parent, as a working person... and guess what? I'm still waiting.
My key learning on this issue is that waiting for someone to step up to the plate is like waiting for Godot. I lost so much time, and patience, and opportunity in my ineffectual waiting. Was he communicating with me by word and deed all along that he never intended to step up? I think sometimes his words and deeds were at odds, but I admit that the idea he wouldn't step up was so surprising to me that I didn't consider it. I tell myself that I saw something in him which he didn't see in himself, but it's what HE sees in himself that governs his own actions.
Quote: "I love you. I am a beautiful, intelligent, loving, caring woman and I deserve to be loved too. I am beginning to see that maybe you aren't capable of giving me what I need. I need a man who is excited about living with me, who tells me he loves me, who isn't ambivalent about me and always trying to find fault with me."
Everyone on this bulletin board needs to copy this quote and repeat it, mantra-like. Excellent truth, Ellie -- and a timely reminder.
