Jennifer, I am struck by something and just have to say it. You can never know the mind of another person unless they choose to share it with you. Even then, they may choose to only share part of their mind with you. Some people keep parts of themselves hidden -- even to themselves.
We can speculate ad naseum the motivations of people in our lives, but all we can know is our own. I'd ask you to look at your own, rather than his.
Is living with him bringing more love into your world, or taking it away?
Would being M to him bring more love into your world, or take it away?
It's interesting to note that you want to be M to him, yet you are already M to an unavailable man. In a good faith effort, perhaps you could examine why you haven't terminated that M.
We have a choice to have an effortless life. We can choose the peaceful path. To do so, we have to understand and love ourselves, and strive to be authentic in all our Rs. Even the one we have with ourselves. I believe when we fight our own self and the Universe, we set our selves up for an effort-full life over an effortless one. Make sense?
He is who he is. He will change, or not. He will come to the idea of a M with you, or not. He will father that child throughout her life, or not. You can't know, so why try to? All you can know for sure is that you will adapt and handle whatever adversity or joy comes your way. That's resilience.
Decide on the life you want and live it. If you want a life coherent with your values, goals and truths, then live your values, goals and truths. If others choose to join you, great. If you do it by yourself, for yourself -- child, your life will be so joyful. With or without him.
