You'll probably roll your eyes and hate me for saying this, but you really need God in your R. But the one thing I think I've learned in my conversion is that as hard as we may try, humans left to their own devices will eventually succumb to our own fallen nature. That is not to say we are bad--it is to say we are human.
There has to be something bigger than ourselves to give in a way that is so unnatural to us. A baby might do it--but a parent's love for a child is irrational and perhaps the only way you can achive a similar love for a spouse is with divine intervention or belief in something far greater than our own egos.
I don't envy you and admire your courage in going forward and bringing this child into the world, but it sure is tough to do it alone and S still has not crossed the Rubicon of what he is and wants to become. I'll say another prayer for you! Be good.
