The empathizing is valuable because it shows that you are capable of seeing how your egregious behavior could have made someone feel. It's getting into their world, and trying to look at, say, how the way you breathe could really be so danged offensive as to cause the victim's distress. And relating your own experience can be done like I showed above - by using the generic "you" to refer to "one," as in, "One thinks one has a good experience, but..."
I do see your point. When S. was starting to empathize, I was afraid he was about to say "I see how you could feel that way because YOU have really pissed me off by doing this and such, and that made me feel the same way you are feeling now." And it would probably have made me angry. But he made a save at the buzzer, and turned it into the generic "you." It really works, I promise.
This morning we go to T again. These last few days have been strained, and I'm trying to deal with very little physical contact and affection. Our morning interaction has consisted of S. getting out of bed, getting dressed, and then going back over to his side of the bed (which is harder to get to and farther away) to lean way over it and squeeze my arm before he leaves.
The last conversation we had about moving, he casually and without explanation changed the date to "end of August" rather than the previous "end of July." So I'm trying to shut up and just listen, to see where that is coming from. But it is killing me. And he has been blaming me for a lot of his own stuff, which I have NOT been able to shut up about, and thus we've been engaged in difficult, pointless conversations in which I ask why it's my fault and he very calmly explains. WTF.
Anyway, onward and upward. I'm trying to get back into my reading and journaling, because I feel very far from reflective about what's happening with ME and what MY needs are that I need to take care of MYSELF. I'm very stuck and bogged down right now, and need to give myself a push...
And relating your own experience can be done like I showed above - by using the generic "you" to refer to "one," as in, "One thinks one has a good experience, but..."
