I see from various people's posts that although at any given time it may be quite clear who is the LD and who is the HD spouse in an R, it can also change over time. I still believe that I am probably the more LD spouse in our M but motivation to improve the situation (on my part) and fatigue and some depression (on MrDoglover's part) can from time to time flip those roles. It gives both of us more understanding into each other - I see how hard it was for him to feel rebuffed by experiencing it myself; and I try to assure him that his own "performance" failures are just temporary setbacks. Fortunately he is happy to see and help me enjoy myself. I am committed to achieving greater pleasure myself - I think that will help me "stay with the program".
The only thing is that all this attention to our R means we have less time or interest for some community events or people who just aren't as important to us as working on our R, but we can't really tell people "we're not going to such and such because we're going to bed Sat afternoon." Or when someone asks "so what's new, what have you been up to recently?" it's hard to answer that one honestly.
It's not like it's all we're doing, but paying attention to one's R does take mental and emotional energy.
To all of you out there in cyberspace, as a friend of mine says "KUTGW!" (keep up the good work).
Doglover
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.
