Thank you, thank you! You all have sensible things to say. I think the seesaw analogy and perhaps the one about readjusting to who's in the driver's seat may apply.
I don't think my H has really become LD but I think he is depressed, partly about several RL issues, partly about stress in our R, and partly about ED. When a woman has an inability to O it seems it may have less of an impact on the R - women can even fake it though it's not recommended. But when a man can't achieve O it's right out there for all to see, a limp noodle. Now frankly it doesn't bother me at all, and I told him so, except insofar as it bothers him. I don't reach O via IC. But it makes him feel terrible, like a failure as a lover, like a flop as a man, and anxious about even trying to ML.
But fortunately "the kids are gone and the dog has died" so we can go to bed in the middle of a Saturday afternoon. And even though he couldn't make it all the way we both felt better. (Of course the planned house-and-yardwork didn't get done, but I think if we both feel better we'll both have more energy to attack the clutter, laundry and yard work.)
And I think you are right that changing the dynamics of the sexual R changes the dynamics of the R and puts some of the focus onto other aspects of the R which may have been obscured by arguing about and blaming insufficient sex.
Doglover
MrsNOP wrote:
Quote:
Our progress was measured in years, not months. It included a few steps forward and several spectacular crashes backwards.
What you will discover is that the HD/LD issues have managed to distract from other ongoing issues in your relationship. I'm not saying the sexual drive issue isn't an important one and must be addressed. I am saying that as long as it wasn't addressed, it took a lot of blame and/or focus of anger & discontent in the relationship. If hubby was unhappy in the relationship, then it is/was easy to place the focus on *you*, because you weren't the sexual partner he wanted/needed/envisioned. Now that you're stepping up to the plate, it's not quite so easy to focus that discontent on you.
It takes some adjustment.
MrsNOP -
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.
