Quote: we got into a row before I left for work about what to have for dinner - he said he was so depressed he wanted pizza, I said I want us to eat more nutritious meals, he said I'm "like the diet-police ALWAYS nagging and criticizing him, ALWAYS asking if he's had fruits and vegs for lunch" (he has high BP and the meds may contribute to his ED; our son has high BP but has had very good results with a high fruit/vegetable low salt "DASH" diet).
Don't volunteer or elect yourself in this role. No good comes from it. He is a grown man and capable of making his own food choices. Let him have his pizza and you have your healthier meal. He knows what you think and how you feel about the issue. If you're not sure that he does know, my suggestion would be to tell him in detail that you're concern isn't about controlling his food choices as much as it is wanting to insure his health so that you and he can live a long, healthier life together. And now that he knows your heart in this matter, you will no longer police it.
Quote: Anyway, I'm glad that others are making some progress but personally it all seems so hard and complicated right now - a lot more than "just do it".
Our progress was measured in years, not months. It included a few steps forward and several spectacular crashes backwards.
What you will discover is that the HD/LD issues have managed to distract from other ongoing issues in your relationship. I'm not saying the sexual drive issue isn't an important one and must be addressed. I am saying that as long as it wasn't addressed, it took a lot of blame and/or focus of anger & discontent in the relationship. If hubby was unhappy in the relationship, then it is/was easy to place the focus on *you*, because you weren't the sexual partner he wanted/needed/envisioned. Now that you're stepping up to the plate, it's not quite so easy to focus that discontent on you.
He is a grown man and capable of making his own food choices. Let him have his pizza and you have your healthier meal. He knows what you think and how you feel about the issue. If you're not sure that he does know, my suggestion would be to tell him in detail that you're concern isn't about controlling his food choices as much as it is wanting to insure his health so that you and he can live a long, healthier life together. And now that he knows your heart in this matter, you will no longer police it. 