JJ, I wasn't talking so much about you turning down sex... I was thinking more of a long-term R where the guy was really in the driver's seat: you do it when he wants to, the way he wants to, for as long as he wants to. Not that you aren't consulted, but that HE drives it and you are more often the responder than the initiator. I wonder what that would feel like to you-- to be the passerger all (or most) of the time, and not the driver.
I think some of the HD guys on this board are wishing their wives would be more enthusiastic partners, but I doubt if there would be universal cheers if these wives took over the role of primary initiator.
Just food for thought.
DL wrote
Quote: The fact that he is experiencing performance problems and anxieties magnifies the issues. I think it makes it more necessary (in his mind) that everything be done according to his schedule. And maybe at the moment he is right - that he needs to feel so turned on or he may have ED. If I approach him and try to seduce him, then that may feel like pressure which contributes to ED.
This is the sitch here. After he had the heart surgery and the job lay-off and stopped drinking, he let me know that I needed to back way off. That my initiating felt to him like pressure, and he had way too much on his plate. So I backed off.
