In "Passionate Marriage", Schnarch talks about Siamese Twin couples. When one partner's desire goes up, the other partner's desire goes down and vice-versa. There have been a couple examples of this on the BB. CinemaNymph, as Lilli mentioned, and IHJ. I think two different mechanisms may be at play when this happens. Sometimes the HD partner becomes even more angry when the LD partner starts acting more sexual because they're thinking something like "All these years I thought you couldn't help the fact that you were LD. Now all of a sudden you've made a change because I put my foot down. I am furious that you didn't make this change before when you knew how miserable I was about it.". The other reason the HD partner may become LD is simply that they were never really that HD to begin with. They weren't really looking for a HD partner, they were looking for a partner to make them feel more HD. For instance, if a guy is feeling LD he might start resenting his W because he thinks she's become too fat to turn him on (like my H) or he might start resenting his W because he thinks she's not sexually assertive enough to turn him on so he blames his LD on her LD. When the W makes changes such as losing weight (me) or becoming more sexual (you), the H is forced to own his own lack of drive.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
