LD spouse needs help

[doglover]

I am very glad to read on other posts (GGB and DGA) about people making progress in the last few days. But I'm discouraged to say that I am making less progress. I have recently been making an effort to "just do it" but getting rejected by my HD H.

Tuesday night he was depressed about our son's screening re a potential illness - results ambiguous.

Wednesday night we went for a long walk holding hands, giggled about the "butterfly" I learned about on the posts to DGA - but when I suggested ML he was "too tired" that night.

Thursday he was out at a board meeting which ran late, we're both addicted to ER and then came the 11pm news and by 11:30 it seemed too late and anyway, I was online catching up on this BB which is a turnoff for him.

Friday a.m. we got into a row before I left for work about what to have for dinner - he said he was so depressed he wanted pizza, I said I want us to eat more nutritious meals, he said I'm "like the diet-police ALWAYS nagging and criticizing him, ALWAYS asking if he's had fruits and vegs for lunch" (he has high BP and the meds may contribute to his ED; our son has high BP but has had very good results with a high fruit/vegetable low salt "DASH" diet). I tried to apologize and kiss him goodby but he barely said goodbye when I left for work.

I was very busy at work during the a.m. but called him early afternoon to say "I hope you'll wait for me - it's been a long time" which was code language for ML because others might overhear. He said "too late" which means he had MB'd. It almost sound flippant to me (he later said it wasn't) and I was very hurt and felt rejected, but I guess that's how he's felt a lot of the time. We talked that evening - he said he felt as though things have switched and currently I am more HD and he is more LD. He said maybe it's depression, maybe it's that I'm nagging or criticizing too much, but he feels like I'm putting pressure on him to ML and he doesn't feel desire. He only MB'd yesterday to relieve a physical need, not because he felt desire. But then he's spent for a 24 hour interval or so.

Now we need to each do our "homework" for a first counselor appt on Monday - ie think individually or together about what our problems are and what our goals are.

But in addition to that we each have various chores to do, and we often have a hard time organizing our time in a mutually satisfactory way. And we want to - need to - have some fun (it would be very nice if the fun could include ML).

Anyway, I'm glad that others are making some progress but personally it all seems so hard and complicated right now - a lot more than "just do it". Guess we really need that MC on Monday. I hope she's good.

Well I gotta go before he gets back from the gym. My online time drives him nuts.

Doglover