LD spouse needs help

[doglover]

Cemar,

CeMar,
Your "minimal" list still seems pretty daunting to me as an HD woman. Thinking back to when I was LD, the 3x a week thing would NEVER have worked....and that's your minimum?

Speaking as an LDW I have to agree with GEL that going from once every 4-8 weeks to 3Xweek is a BIG step - I think you would be better off thinking in terms of taking smaller steps toward your goal of 3Xweek.

Re BJs - For a long time I did them occasionally but reluctantly because:
1) I didn't understand that it wasn't necessary for me to take it so far back in my mouth that it automatically triggered a gag reflex
2) I didn't want H to come in my mouth
3) It wasn't personally exciting to me

I now understand about 1) but am still uncertain about 2)
3) is still true for me but I now want to do it for my H as a gift to him. He, however, remembers my earlier reluctance and feels that I must still be doing it reluctantly now. He wants me to WANT to do it, to desire it, not only for him but for me. Perhaps I need to be a better actor.

Anal is something which I can understand might be pleasurable for others, maybe even in some theoretical sense for me, but I have very little interest in trying it. (H is OK with that.) So I can understand your W's lack of desire to try it.

I agree (perhaps more than H) with the books which call for more non-genital sensuality in addition to genital, esp for LDW. Have you tried that?

I also have taken to heart the suggestion many have made to "get on a schedule". For us that would mean an immediate minimum of 1xweek with 2-3xweek as a goal to shoot for ultimately. Have you tried that?

Also I think there are likely to be relationship issues which need to be addressed if there is a big desire gap but the LD spouse is unwilling to compromise. I have made an appt with a couples therapist who is experienced with both relationship and sexual issues. Have you tried therapy? And if so, did it help?

But I also think that personally speaking if I could predictably expect an orgasm in a reasonable amount of time it would increase my pleasure, reduce my sense that my slow pace is a burden for H and I would more reliably look forward to sex. I've ordered the book "Five Minutes to Orgasm Every Time You Make Love: Female Orgasm Made Simple" and hope it's as good as its title.

Doglover