I haven't posted for a while but have been reading other people's posts (all the while aware that too much time at the computer is bad for our R), SSM, and some other books and have been working on issues.

A few questions - has anyone had experience with a therapist from the list of AASECT members (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists)? I think we need to see someone who has experience with sexual problems but also believe that the R issues need to be addressed at the same time. I got a few local names and thought my H would be pleased that I am trying to address this issue - but it turns out he has his own hangups over discussing these issues with a 3rd party (not that it's so easy for me) so it may take some persuading. Today H saw a family counselor we have seen off and on and he has seen individually. But the C, H and I all agree that he is not the one to help us with these issues. (His strength is more with parenting and R issues.)

I have been working at keeping our sexual R on the front burner and trying to initiate more. There ought to be a Sex "book of the month club" - it's helpful to me to read about these issues because it helps them stay at the forefront of my mind.

H doesn't understand this - being HD he has sex at the forefront of his mind much of the time, esp if he is unsatisfied.

I explained to him that, at least currently, it seems to work differently for me. The less sex I have the less I think about it; the more I have, the more it's on my mind. This is so counter intuitive to him. (I often feel weird, certainly out of step with the media and perhaps with the rest of the world. H says "well what do your friends think?" but we don't much discuss our sex lives.)

Does anyone have suggestions for books of sexual fantasies and are they a turn-on? Browzing on Amazon.com I saw "Bedtime Fantasies for Women" and "Sweet Life - Erotic Fantasies for Couples". I am not sure that I would like these but may try one - I never was much into porn though an R-rated movie can be exciting.

Has anyone (woman) had experience with Testosterone? I could be wrong but my memory was that it would also require Estrogen but I'm reluctant to go back onto HRT. Haven't had a chance to see my doctor yet to ask.

Thank you,
Doglover

There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.