Yes I have read SSM. My H hasn't - he's often dismissive of selfhelp books, but perhaps it would help.
My W got more mileage from a self-help than years of therapy.
Quote: My problem is I feel I need to reread it everyday to remind myself to keep it at the top of my todo list. (I need the bracelet or the tatoo "I like sex" to remind myself I like it once I get into it even tho it just doesn't occur to me a lot of the time and other things end up seeming more important).
If that's what it takes, do it or consider the book on tape and listen when you commute to work. Another option: make sex terms your passwords (like for this BB). Example: 'Intercourse' has 12 letters which is more than long enough for most security settings.
Quote: He says the "OW" is just a buddy; the email just a stupid male fantasy which he admits he never should have sent. Problem is the "OW" is a close friend of both of us.
Maybe so. Just don't leave them alone in the same room or vehicle. Lead them not to temptation. Consider also having a word with her and/or her SO about this matter.
It's good to see that you are willing to work on the problem. Oh, and welcome to the BB.
