Ok, so you discovered that e-mail by accident. It is possible your friend is completely innocent...but your H's actions were still WAY out of line. People who send flirtatious e-mails/messages like that often end up in an A before they know it....therefore the danger.
I'm glad your friend told you how important her R w/you is...but I do think it's a good thing to limit their contact alone as well...just to be on the safe side.
You mentioned your H has a problem w/the time you spend on the computer...now that I can understand. I too had a BIG problem w/how much time my H would spend on the computer. It may seem like I spend an awful large amount of time on this myself...but I actually do that majority of my posting while I'm at the office...doing other things as well. My H would come home in the evening and play his computer game for hours on end...tuning the rest of the world out. I find I still become jealous when he's playing that game...and not spending time with me when he could be.
He's doing MUCH better now that I've brought this problem to light. But I've also learned to communicate more clearly with him if there's a time I really need him to be paying attention to our son, or if I would like him to sit down and watch a movie with me...whatever. One of my really big pet peeves was that he'd let his dinner sit and get cold because he was playing his game...after I had already told him (before he started playing) that dinner was almost ready. To me, that was just rude.
That was a long way to say...I'm thinking your H needs some quality time with you. He wants your company...and if you are spending too much time on the computer, it's really hard for him to stand a chance at getting you in the mood isn't it?
You know...even if you don't post your list of needs/wants on here...just make a mental note of them for yourself...maybe jot them down in a notebook during the day when something comes to you. And then really put some thought into those things.
One thing I would definitely do is really examine whether or not you follow-through when you put him off. If you don't then sure, he's going to feel rejected, especially if he has an ED problem. Also, if he does have an ED problem, even if it's not a convenient time, think about taking care of him then...just because you love him. I mean...you seem to understand that his ego is fragile because of his ED right? I'm not saying you have to do that everytime, he's going to have to learn to give a bit too.
Well that's all the time I have for now...I'll check back in on your later :-)
