I'm going to respond to his e-mail to your mutual friend first. Be VERY wary of this...I'm sure you've read other threads on here as well. CSW's W maintained her OM was "just a friend" for quite some time...until recently as a matter of fact....this was not just a "friendship".
How was this e-mail brought to your attention? Did he tell you, or did your friend? Either way...that is completely inappropriate behavior no matter how he justifies it. It MUST stop.
Ok...now with that said on with the rest. From what I read I understood you to say that there are things he could be doing that would help you get in the mood at times...like snuggling....this is something he doesn't understand.
So....it's apparant to me that there are needs of yours he's not meeting either; maybe some that are completely obvious to you, maybe some are more vague...things that you think are little and maybe a bit silly can often be needs that are left unmet.
As for finding a number to compromise on, compromise isn't really mechanical, it's all in how you look at it. Just because you come upon a compromise that both you and he can live with doesn't mean that you can't do things more often...it doesn't necessarily mean you have to stick to it and take the spontenaity out either.
My guess (and this is just my gut speaking here) is that you need to speak up and talk to your H about how all of this makes YOU feel. ML every other day, while ideal for an HD person is very intimidating to an LD person....and can leave the LD spouse feeling very pressured.
It really sounds to me like there's some communicating that needs to happen between you and your H. If your H feels rejected if you don't want to ML at noon, but you suggest another time during the day...there's more going on. Do you follow-through when you try to re-schedule? Do you go to bed with things on your mind or do you try to give him your attention? Do you initiate when you re-schedule?
Here's a suggestion....sit down and make yourself a list of things that you think he could do that would make you feel more amorous towards him. Then think about, does he do these things...doesn't he? In that list that you write I wouldn't be at all surprised to find things that are actual needs of yours that aren't being met...does he mean to not meet these needs? Probably not.
It's as simple (and as frustrating) as what works for him doesn't work for you and vice-versa.
Ok...let us know what your list is when you come up with it.
Oh...and also, as someone else mentioned pick up a copy of SSM (it's also available on tape if it's easier for you to listen in the car.) You will be amazed to find how much you will relate to some of the people in the book...and also how much your H will.
