LD spouse needs help

[doglover]

Hi Greeneyedlass,

Thank you so much for you many thoughtful suggestions.
(I don't know if I'm going to get the quoting right but I'll try)

1. How often do you initiate?
2. How often would he ideally like to ML?
3. Between what how often he would like to ML and how often you would like to ML...where is a liveable # of times that you could compromise on for frequency?

I guess it's important to analyze issues around frequency, but what troubles me is it begins to sound mechanistic. I asked H today how often he needs to ML before he feels "horny all the time", a state he says he is often in. I felt stupid asking the question - it feels like it reduces the whole issue to putting X's on the calendar - but he said it was a good one. He paused and said "every other day" (and this man is a senior citizen)

11. Just to rule out any physical causes for low-libido...have you spoken to your Dr.?

I wouldn't be surprised if I have low testosterone and suppose I should have it checked, but I went off HRT after everything hit the fan a few years ago and so am wary of hormonal treatments in general. Maybe it would be helpful to know tho.

H probably has medical issues too (ED side effects of BP meds) which hinder his self-confidence, often his ability to achieve release and probably makes him feel he needs to "prove himself". So although he's usually HD sometimes it's hard for him to achieve and then he's devastated. (For me it is no big deal). But his Dr doesn't offer much besides the little blue pill. And the internet offers 50 million inappropriate entries.

I still work and so have a lot of chores to do on Saturdays. But if the mood hits him at noon, he feels terribly rejected if I say evening would be better. I guess it would be better for us as a couple if I would just "seize the day" even if it's not at the top of my todo list.

As far as I'm concerned, we need to do more snuggling and it would help put me in the mood. He doesn't understand my need to get in the mood - he says it's on a man's mind all the time.

Doglover