Am close to finishing the UL book. It is not an easy read, although it is a pretty short book. Question...Have you ever seen one of those movies where you thought you knew what had happened and then at the end of the movie, they playback stuff from another point of view and you get to see what actually happened? I had one of those movies playing in my head this past weekend. The W and I got into an arguement due to me feeling as if she had not consulted me on a few family decisions. Instead of being adult about it, I got pissed and it started the mortor volleys again. A combination of some things she said and what I have read in the UL book started the end of the movie in my head where a bunch of stuff got played back, but this time, it got played back where I could see what I was really doing and why. My conclusions on this is that in the past, I had believed that our marital problems were pretty much 50/50. I do not think that anymore. I have tons of issues from childhood that color my perceptions of what my wife is doing and what her actions towards me are in reality. I discovered that I seek a unreal amount of approval from her for everything, and when I don't get the reactions from her that I feel entitled to, I feel hurt and ignored or just unloved. The thing I guess I am most thankful for is that for almost 12 years, she has put up with it in the hopes that one day, I would get it. I know that I am not the total cause, and that she has her past baggage that makes her see her stepfather every time I say anything about something she has done or have a different oppinion than her on issues with the kids, but if I can resolve this stuff, I think it will open up a new chapter, and I will finally know what it is to be truly happy with my life. It is very strange how things seem to happen for a reason. A number of things happened in succession for me to get to this forum, which in turn, led me to a few choice reads, which got the light bulbs turning on in my head. Thanks, and good luck to you CSW. Keep your chin up.
God is love, love is blind, Ray Charles is blind......so there.
I've registered me and my bf for a workshop with the authors of UL at the end of May. I've been toying with the idea of cancelling it because I've been in such a pissy mood. A consider your post a direct message from God that I should not cancel and we should go. (He is not a book reader.) Thanks.
Well, thought I would bump my own post to try to get some more responses. For the first time since I can remember, we have ML three nights out of four. Let's all pause for a moment of silence in remembrance of this great occurence. Things are going well. Some things have come up when she gets tired or overwhelmed, which is a lot of times. But instead of taking offense to the comments, I pause and think that they really have nothing to do with me. It is just what she does as a defense. Not that it is right for her to do this, but it is not my job to fix her issues. Continued thanks for this board, and as soon as I think I have something constructive to say in someone elses post, I will.
God is love, love is blind, Ray Charles is blind......so there.
You lucky devil. I have almost forgotten what ML means..... Congrats.
It is good to note that things W says are not necessarily meant to be hurtful. Recognizing those times and putting up your guard a bit may help you ease past those non-issues.
Quote: For the first time since I can remember, we have ML three nights out of four. Let's all pause for a moment of silence in remembrance of this great occurence.
*gazes enviously* :-D
Seriously, woohoo and congrats! :-D Here's hoping things continue well for ya! *grins happily for you*
I am turning in revolution
these are the scars that silence carved
on me
