Andy's not bothered about the lack of space in my house, but I think you're right about it being too big a step for him, so he backtracked.
I have seen this before and to be honest due to the length of time I have been DB'ing, I am ready to just tell him to get lost. My life would be more lonely but it would be easier and calmer. Honestly, he doesn't deserve me.
When I have asked to see 1 of the kids alone in the past, he stipulates I have to have all of them or it's not fair on the others, except on birthdays. Therefore he wouldn't buy that argument and it's back to him having all the power and me ASKING to have my own flesh and blood. Ugh.
Also, right at this minute I keep crying and stuff so I don't think dd1 should be here with me in this mood. I keep it to myself fairly well in front off dd4 but I am rubbish at hiding it from the others.
She already knows he has really upset me as she asked in her note if I was okay. Honestly, she deserves better than either of her parents. I am at the end of my tether with the whole sitch, not just my R with H. That is only a part of it.
I am actually thinking of leaving this site permanently soon if my sitch doesn't pick up.
Well today is my 28th birthday. I woke up and burst into tears. There was no birthday post and no phone calls, that figures.
I got up, did some ranting on here and went to the IVF clinic. I had to wait for an hour but dd was enjoying herself with the lego bricks.
Then I got called through to this room by this male nurse who said 'Kids, who'd have them?' (in the middle of an infertility clinic - honestly, men!). I started laughing at the tactless joke and hoping the woman nearby wasn't infertile.
Anyway, this guy said he was going to blood test me for FSH (folical stimulating hormone) so he told me to squeeze my hand and then stuck me with a needle. I said 'Ouch!' and my dd glared at him! You should have seen the dirty look she gave him! It was like 'hey you, get off my mummy!' Then she asked me 'Mummy, does needle hurt?' I told her it did. She has no concept of needles and hasn't seen any before.
Then they told me I could go. The first bit is completed. I have to go back in for counselling and HIV tests etc, and then more injections. I am assuming they will phone me when they need me.
Donors are no longer anonomous, which means any child created by my egg could contact me when he's 18. I know this and don't mind, but I guess they want to counsel me first to make sure.
It was very interesting and dd didn't want to go home. She screamed and fell on the floor when I told her we had to go.
I told her I have to have more needles and she said 'no' so she's not too keen on that idea!
Now I am off to my friend's house to try and make this vaguely like a birthday.
Happy birthday Jo! Sorry I havent been keeping up. Things are kind of wierd around my sitch right now but I MAY possibly be making some progress. I hope you manage to have a good day just for yourself! Have some fun or I'll stick you with a needle, doctors orders! JIM
Happy Birthday and Happy Donation Day! Today is not yet finished, I hope you are still hopeful for what you are expecting...
IF I was your age, I'd be much stronger and hopeful for the future, with lots more of energy and much much more self-esteem. So, you are young and you are prosperous, this is very important for your struggle ahead.
I'm not in a mood to write more, I just send out this Birthday wish to you, hope that everything you wish go your way.
You know, you are a special woman.
Rgd s Kitty
my last thread : Lost in his MLC
http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=957116&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
I went there after the IVF clinic and dd4 played with my friend's kids.
We had a nice meal and in the evening me and my friend got through 2 bottles of champagne and talked about my sitch most of the night.
I stayed the night and this morning she gave me an aromatherapy massage (she's a professional aromatherapist and reflexologist). My shoulders were just completely knotted up with tension and it really helped.
I'm back home now and exhausted (she said the massage would make me exhausted) so I'm going for a nap now.
I am ignoring my sitch atm because it stresses me and I'm better when I ignore it.
Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes,and Jim, no one has ever said they will stick me with a needle before
Hey 'doctor Jim' - the blood test at the IVF clinic wasn't the worst part either. I have to have loads more needles AND a camera up me to see my ovaries AND they are going to put a needle through the vaginal wall to suck eggs out of my tubes and they actually do this on most women whilst AWAKE, but I am too chicken so I asked for a general anasthetic
There is one positive to this *painful* experience, I won't be in the mood for YEARS so it makes it easier being abstinent with H
It gives me something else to think about too. Just imagine that, I'm so sick of my sitch I'd rather volunteer to have some strange bloke stick a needle up me than think about DB'ing!
Jo, Glad you're getting your sense of humor back!!!! And yes, desperate times call for deperate measures. If getting poked with needles is less painful than dealing with H, so be it!!! Now you need to find something that feels good too so be good to yourself and do something nice for you. Jill
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