I really wish all my cyber friends were real in the flesh, so to speak, instead of floating about in cyber space. I can't get it together today. I didn't answer my helpline because it's not ethical to do it in this state of mind.
I can't stop crying, I haven't eaten all day and I don't even feel hungry. I walked passed the toaster and realised the bread has been there for 2 days. I put it in the freezer so it doesn't go off.
I was at the job centre yesterday about small business help and I bought sandwiches and chocolate for me and dd4. That's the last time I ate. I must eat tomorrow morning or the injections might make me sick.
The thing is Gabriel, I DO believe what he says. The first time he did this in 02, we were separate for 3 months. Second time he left the R in June 03, we were separate for 1 year, third time he had a fling with me and then backed off again July 04, now this time he has backed off, I imagine it will be months again, if not permanent.
I simply cannot keep having this on-off R, waiting for him to come back and trying to agree with everything he says in the process.
I feel if I don't leave my family properly, he will never come back anyway - he'll just keep dipping his toe in when he gets scared and then running off again when he is reassured I still care.
I thought this time was it as I spent so long dark and he said ILY and talked about commitment ceremonies so I thought this was different.
I've struggled for 3 years for this man and my kids so I think I have done everything.
He wouldn't have done anything for my birthday even if I had left it till tomorrow. I know him too well. He didn't even want to talk to me and I didn't do anything wrong, all I did was go to my daughter's ballet - hardly crime of the century.
You see what I mean about him hating anything I do with the kids???
