No, Jo, it is good that you are posting. Yet let me point out just a few observations:
Quote: I was already massively upset before he came to get Alicia because of his email basically giing me the brush off.I was in tears for about 3 hours before he even turned up
Your 'crazymaker' (as I like to call my racing mind) was already running, priming the visit for a certain outcome. I've learned to stay quiet when I notice that.
Quote: I've not been eating correctly and drinking loads of coffee (too much), period is here again
There's an amazingly strong body-mind-spirit connection, and its good that you're aware of this impact on your thinking and feeling. Take better care of yourself (self-love) and wait until next week to see how you feel.
Quote: we had so many plans for my birthday (he and they were supposed to be sleeping overnight for the first time, I thought they might do something nice for me - it was supposed to be a turning point and now this).
Make no A$$sumptions and keep low expectations. This is DBing, and will still require tons of patience.
I've gotten amazingly upset when I think of how much S5 has been ripped from my life due to my W's choices. He and I literally have lost months of bedtime stories/prayers/kisses/hugs/reassurances. When I think about that, I begin to resent, even hate W. Yet, that is giving into a despair based upon unknown possibilities. Further, it is quitting, and I don't quite know how to quit. I never have.
Focus on the positives, Jo. You've healed your R to such an extent that they are making - not merely buying - but making BDay cards for you. And writing heartfelt messages inside. He can't ever take that away from you.
Finally Jo, your BDay is TOMORROW. Give him time to surprise you next time, stay a tad more flexible in terms of him making amends as he knows how, or extending yet another olive branch. Baby steps, Jo. He's barely beginning his work.
Try to forget his email. What is the DB mantra? "Believe none of what they say (or write) and only half of what they do." Hang in there, Jo. Please take very gentle care of yourself, tonight and tomorrow. You are young, beautiful, you have 4 wonderful daughters, you are intelligent! So many women would love to be you! There is plenty of living awaiting you.
