A wise person once gave me this advice about whether my sense of doing most of the R work was "fair":
Quote: You are DB'ing, not her. She is the WAW, therefore if you want to save your R, it will be you doing most of the work. That is tough but true. It is no sense in thinking what you're 'entitled' to as the last poster said. Being 'entitled' never got anyone anywhere. For a long time my WAH hated me to death. He couldn't give a monkey's about the R. I had to do all the work to get where I am now and it's only been very recently he's started giving anything back. Even now I would say I do 80% of the R work. And it's worth it for the 20% I get back.
Jo, for what its worth, I do see him trying. Yes, he's insecure. Yes, he won't face you in an adult fashion and waits in the car rather than try to work things out at that moment. Yes, he's telling different stories to you and Ex-OW. But he's still showing up with the girls on your BDay. He's still remembering small commitments like bringing your printer over. To me that communicates some interest and minimal effort. My BDay is in early June, and if my W would drive S5 over to my place (she still has not even seen my studio) or orchestrated card/letter making by him, I'd be bowled over with pleasant shock.
Is it just me, or is there something else? I still don't see what pulled the trigger on your upset. Was it his lurking on the BB and reading about your egg donation? I also don't understand why you'd put the girls' cards away. These are gifts of love from your daughters - why not celebrate and be nurtured by their love for you? THEY were definitely respecting you as a mother, and focusing on you as the special person on your BDay. Let them love you, Jo. And don't be afraid of loving them in return, staying fully vulnerable to them. This is the place in which H has absolutely no power. Your Rs with your DDs are between you and your DDs. Its already been proven - H can't break you apart. If you would Jo, what did your D1 tell you?
Try hard to not let things play out in front of the kids, Jo. Have the kids stay inside, then rip him a new A-h@le in private if you must, but not with them as your audience.
Did you tell him those things: that he needed time alone with the girls, not with OW, and about the lying, and respecting you as a mother? How did he respond?
Lastly, I wonder if the egg donation is bringing up a very painful, R-damaging time for each of you, in different ways. For you this may be part healing, but I wonder how it is striking him (looking beyond the mere control theme).
