H and kids came round. H was sulking in the car. DD1 came to the door struggling to carry my printer that she was returning. I asked her why her father wasn't carrying it. She said he was waiting in the car.
I lost my temper, ran outside and asked him what was he playing at getting a 9 year old to carry heavy stuff for him just because he's too chicken [censored] to face me.
He didn't respond. They went home. I rang EX-OW in tears and told her to tell him to stop using our dd as a pack horse and messenger girl. It's always the kids that end up caught up in the centre of our arguments.
Talked to EX-OW for maybe 2 hours. Apparently he told her a load of stuff which wasn't true and he has done the same with me. We swapped notes and I discovered I obviously can't believe a word he says.
She is with Mr. P, yes, but she has no intention of moving out yet, and there was a load of other stuff I told her which apparently is completely different to the story he told her.
I was in tears for the whole conversation. He had even forgotten my birthday, no less. I reminded EX-OW. It's a good job I am going to my friend's house tomorrow. She said why don't you have the kids - my birthday is day 1 of the IVF phase at the egg donation clinic. I have to go and speak to the dr and get stuck with needles which contain folical stimulating drugs, so that is out.
I am actually ectastic that this is happening on my birthday, genuinely.
Anyway, my newsletters finally got here from the printers and I discovered that some prat has folded them wrong so I have to unpick the staples from literally hundreds of these newsletters and I can't believe it.
I sat in tears for most of the afternoon.
Then I fell asleep. DD's woke me up and brought round these home made cards. I looked at the cards, told them they could have a biscuit and then took them back to the car. Commented to H that he forgot my birthday. He denied it and said he didn't forget.
He asked why they couldn't stay and we got into this fight about how he's always lying to me and he walks all over me as a mother and never lets me do F all unless he says so and now I've had it, this is it, the end, no more, ever, caput for the whole family. If I have to go through another second of this non-custodial [censored] I will have a breakdown and then they'll move in on dd4.
This was all said outside in the street in front of my neighbours
He said
'You never told me about the IVF'
I said
'I was going to, then this happened.'
Then I told him not to come round again. He (and they) need time on their own completely without EX-OW. He needs to quit lying, I need my mothering rights. Still keeping up the contact means bowing to whatever he says with them, which puts me in his control.
When I'm not in contact, he can't have any power over me, not even through them.
To be honest, I'm not sure if I want him back now since I have found this out. I sent them back to the car, told him to go. He made some comment about how my birthday is for them. I said no, it's for me, and that's the whole trouble. For 11 years I have lost myself in this family, been dragged through the mud, disrespected and put down and now, damn it, my birthday is MY birthday just because I want to enjoy it and not because I ought to celebrate for somebody else!
They drove away and I sat on the step in tears. Then I went in, looked at their cards again and cried even more. I put them away - could not bear to look at them, esp. the note my dd1 wrote for me.
Tomorrow morning (my 28th birthday) I am going to the IVF clinic for injections, then I am going to my friend's house where I will try to forget about all of this.
