I have now progressed to 'All Woman' by Lisa Stansfield
I'm not going to do anything because you shouldn't if it's not positive, but sometimes, just sometimes I feel even more repressed by NOT saying exactly what I think.
He's controlling with the children issues so shutting up makes me feel worse, but I know it'd wreck the DB'ing if I did, so I won't. Catch 22.
I have no doubt I could be a wife to him, but I have great doubt about could I be a parent WITH him? How can you be a mother if your H won't allow it? He would say he is letting me be a mum,but he never has since the day he took them.
My opinions are ignored at best and attacked at worst, even right down to the amount of time I wanted with my kids, hence the reason for the court battle and why it got so nasty.
I don't believe he has learnt anything from that. He still believes what he did was right and still would not increase my time with them and still, by all accounts, doesn't care for any of my opinions regarding them.
I know he took me to this ballet class because I am 'seeing' him. If it were to stop, I am sure this would too. This makes me feel resentful as my involvement with them shouldn't rest on my involvement with him.
I mean, when I asked why he hadn't jointly discussed sending the kids to my mother's, he said 'we weren't together then' - so that says it all really.
If this doesn't work out, I will get no say in how my kids are brought up and I might as well walk off on them again because what it the point when I can't do anything anyway??
I hope I will feel better in the morning.
He is due to visit Friday. It is my birthday on Saturday. I have not asked him to come over or asked him for any present etc.
I said jokingly a while back I wanted him to ML with me 3 times on that night but I don't reckon that is going to happen or even if I want it to so I am just going to have zero expectations for my birthday and let him offer something.
