((((((Jo)))))) I'm sorry! I know you were worried about how things would go and there it went.
I can see your hurt about not being a higher priority for H right now. Sounds like its time to distance and to pull him back to you. With X-OW in the house, H hasn't really had time to himself to deal with life without you recently. I imagine she's still helping him with your children.
Try the 24hr rule before doing anything drastic, okay? With your BDay coming up soon, perhaps sit quiet and see what happens. Hopefully, H will rise to the occasion then.
Jo, try to avoid those cheeseless tunnels (from 'Who moved my cheese'). Seems like your mother and his odd insistence that you be friends with everyone regardless of their treatment of you are two such tunnels. Rather than going down the tunnel, say s/t like "It hurts me when you keep placing my feelings and needs below others'." or "Let's not talk about that. We're here to have fun."
In terms of the parenting issue, this is huge. You are so right that he needs to respect you more as a parent (thanks for the lessons on that front in my sitch!). Yet, try to be less reactive. Slow or temper this frustration a bit. Have ready scripts like "DD, your father and I need to discuss this later, and we'll get back to you about our decision." This communicates to the child that no splitting of parents will be allowed, and to H that he'd better start including you and compromising on parenting (the man has a big control issue, Jo). Let H know in private that he is parenting the children with you, not X-OW, and that he must remind himself of that as frequently as he finds himself discounting your presence in your DDs lives. They will never have another mother.
Jo, you are masterful at DBing. Stay focused on the present with an eye to your future goals!
