I'm catching the bus tomorrow to his town and will be there about 3pm, an hour before the ballet class starts, leaving about 45 mins for coffee at his place before the class.
I'm terrified and suddenly wondering whether I should cancel. I've been writing stuff up about the kids and it has reminded me of when we were apart, how he used to bar my access and not let me be involved. He let me have them 2 days a fortnight but he wouldn't let me be involved in their education, or anything else.
He didn't use to even let me have any school work of theirs when they were at school. I was not allowed on trips out, birthdays or anything else. Even on my time with them he used to tell me what I could and could not do with them and get upset if I did something with them he didn't like.
Eventually after about 2 years and a half of putting up with this, I walked away from them because I couldn't breathe. I couldn't live like that
Now, I'm thinking it's great, he's starting to let me be involved but that is because we are TOGETHER and I'm panicking that if we ever split up in future or this doesn't work out, he will just stop me from having the extra involvement - which he will, I know what he's like.
So I'm terrified of getting too close to them in case he pulls the plug on me mothering them. There would be no more invites to ballet class then.
I'm thinking maybe I should just not be involved until we have moved back in and I know it's going to work?
Also, I don't know what to wear or if EX-OW will be at the house.
He's seen all my clothes that I own even though I get about 5 new outfits a year (I wear every item a lot, I love my clothes).
If I wear something really attractive, he might think I've gone there to get off with him (not true on this particular day),if I wear jeans that's just boring. If EX-OW is at the house, I want to look amazing but without over-doing it.
