Well, I thought about should I ask to go to the party, but it's against DB'ing to be that forward. I want him to offer. Secondly, I've never met her so I'm self-conscious and really want to be introduced first before I go to her son's party, thirdly, Andy still does all 'his' appointments separately. He has his times for me and his times for other stuff.
DD's ballet on Monday will be the first of 'his' appointments that we attend together. So it's significant in that respect.
You're right though about the 'his' and 'ours' thing with the kids. He is still in the frame of mind that the older dd's are 'his' and therefore in this mindset, I'm not even sure if it would occur to him to invite me.
I am trying to gradually - very gradually - ease him into the idea that I am actually their mother and have as much right to go to their parties as he. I consider the ballet thing a victory IF both of us can pull it off. I'm going to give him longer over his issues with the children, but if he doesn't sort it in the next year or so, I will give up on him as the parenting issue is the most major one to me. Him not letting me be a mother is the main reason why I would walk away from this sitch.
I am hoping Monday goes okay.
Re my phone, I have work calls route through my home phone. I run a help line as part of my work and sometimes people are distressed when they call or wanting detailed information, so I can't really say call back later. That would be damaging to a distressed person.
I have an answer machine so those people can leave a message if I'm not available. I have to set certain boundaries as I can't be counselling when I have guests. Even just giving info is difficult when there's other people in the room.
I also don't answer if DD4 is watching a DVD on my computer, as that's right next to the phone, but all other times I am home, I answer.
