I wouldn't say I'm happy but I am happier. I am happier than I was a year ago. I am definitely rising, though
I have been to Greece several times but not to live. My parents lived in Greece and my sister was born there and spent the first two and a half years of her life there but then my mother was pregnant with me and she moved to the UK to give birth and it's just as well because I was in intensive care baby unit for 3 months and the hospitals in Greece aren't as good.
The last time I went back was in 1996 - I took my oldest daughter there. She was only 6 months old but I wanted to bring her to my country just for a visit. All the locals loved her,and I've even got a photo of her being held by a nun.
H and I were engaged in Greece the year before (on a plane flying over Athens, lol) and we had 2 weeks showing off my ring to everyone and getting free drinks from whoever we met.
I've not been back in 9 years now but I did go to Cyprus in December last year for Christmas with Alicia. It's a Greek speaking country and my grandfather was Cypriot.
Andy's a computer technician. He builds computers and fixes them when they go wrong but he only does it part time because of the kids. Years ago he was a customer services rep for UPS and then he got a job in tech support with Dixons (electrical and computer store), then he was in college training to run his own business, then he set up his own shop, selling computers which he built. Only it shut down when we broke up because he got depressed and didn't go to work.
When we first met, he was a taxi driver He was employed to drive me to college every day which is how we fell in love. Now he just drives me up the wall, instead of driving me around
The rest of his time now he's with the kids, doing this home education group.
We both got legal aid as his shop closed so he had no wages, and I wasn't working at the time due to depression and having a baby. Because I had my maternity allowance, they let me have legal aid. The first court hearing that happened, my legal aid hadn't come yet so I represented myself in court which was scary.
I have family but don't speak to any of them. If you read some of my earlier posts I had a bad relationship with my mother and we now haven't spoken for 16 months. When I was 'dark' I just lived on my own with Alicia as my only company. I do visit friends quite a lot though.
How I dated Andy, well if you look at the thread 'dark dark dark' on this forum I explained to that guy how I dated him. I didn't really do anything except cut him out of my life completely and tell him I was never seeing him again, which I was serious about. I let him come to me and initiate things and I followed his lead. If you have any specific things you'd like to ask about how I helped move it forward, please do. I don't mind.
Quote: None of the places we've lived in since have been as nice as that Railway cottage. We were there 4 years and I wished we'd never left. I got married whilst living in that house, and brought my first two babies home there. We had two first birthdays there, H's 21st and dd1's Name Day, so it has loads of fond memories associated with it.
Jo, I have talked to a couple of older women who remarried due to the death or divorce of the first husband after a long-term marriage. Most say they are happy with their second marriage but feel something is missing.
They say the second man is sometimes a better friend than the first H was (not including the early years) but they still miss those feelings of early married and baby making years.
I think there is a strong set of feelings attached to those first years where people set out on their own to build their new adult life. Things must have seemed so optomistic then.
Also the feelings of building your own small empire and family seems to make one have special feelings associated with our early little parts of heaven and our own little part of a magical world where both of you intended to work on being happy till you were old and decrepit (Syn. infirm, feeble, dilapidated, frail).
I can just guess how special that railway cottage was to you that I got teary-eyed imagining seeing you, Anndy and D1 living there back in time.
Quote: I noticed in Florida you'd be hard pushed to find a house with an upstairs).
I live at 3 different places from 1952 to 1958. Back then 1 story buildings did not need much of a foundation and maybe hurricanes did not damage 1 story buildings as much as 2 story buildings. I am not sure about the hurricane comment but I did hear comments about not putting all of that money in a house's foundation just to add a second story. I guess peopl most do what the "Romans do when in Rome". People mostly copy their neighbors.
Quote: It's like the 'big brother' house in here
George Orwell's book 1984?
from www.spy.org.uk/1984.htm June 8th 1999 was the 50th anniversary of the publication of George Orwell's book "1984" BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU
"The telescreen received and transmitted simultaneously. Any sound that Winston made, above the level of a very low whisper, would be picked up by it; moreover, so long as he remained within the field of vision which the metal plaque commanded, he could be seen as well as heard. There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. But at any rate they could plug in your wire whenever they wanted to. You had to live - did live, from habit that became instinct - in the assumption that every sound you made was overheard, and except in darkness, every movement scrutinised.")
O NO Jo! that means they are watching me too
Quote: but the council would only let me have a 2 bed place
Jo, here in the US you might even have less or something more delapitated/trashy. Sorry it is not larger but from what you post it is afordable.
Quote: I just want H to hurry up and marry me
I will drink to that. But I am an old sentimental type, wanting everyone (almost any way) to be secure in the arms of their lover and best friend, nurturing their children.
Quote: I'm rambling again
Ramble on anytime Jo. That is where our dreams and wishes get experssed.
Culture is such an important part of a person. I'm glad you were able to introduce your oldest D to Greece and hopefully there will be a chance to do the same with your other children.
Your H's depression sounds like it was sizable. I'm getting a lot of hope from your sitch in that he was able to recover from it and to feel some love/affection from/to you after growing out of his mood struggles.
I am glad that my W is trying to do things that lighten her mood, yet there is part of me that worries that she'll bump into/find an OP that she may attribute such changes to. Like "I was so unhappy with you. Now I'm with OP, and I'm happy." I guess the LBS controls what they can (themselves) and leaves the rest to play out over time.
Yes I think my H did have bad depression, not as much as me, but still depression. He would deny it but you don't quit going to work and do the stuff he did without depression.
He seems so much better now. More like my H, but a few things have changed, some for the worse, some for the better.
For instance, now he is less romantic than he used to be in the M and he doesn't concede to my side of looking at things very much, but the positives are he does at least say 'I understand why you feel like that' instead of immediately jumping in with a defensive.
Before if we disagreed, he'd just fire all his arguments at me like it was battle ships. Now even if he doesn't always accept my point of view, I feel as if he hasn't just rubbished my feelings because he at least bothers to let me talk.
Also, our SL is miles better than in the M and I am more assertive with it.
I also feel that I have proof that he does love me because he still wants me after all that court hell and the OW. So it's swings and roundabouts, really.
From your posts I'd say your W is worried about YOU finding an OW so I wouldn't worry yet.
Don't worry about stuff that might not even happen.
Dress well and treat her like a Queen then she won't feel any need to run off with an OM.
Yes, I loved it at that cottage. Our landlady lived in the house next door and she became like the mother I never had and doted on the kids. When we left, we said we'd keep in touch, but she just didn't keep up the contact.
I think she was hurt that we moved because we were always calling but she didn't after the first few times. She was like grandma to the kids and I still feel loss when I think about her. My dd1 still asks about her sometimes and still remembers her even though she was only 3 and a half when we left.
All the other neighbours were really nice too and I remember one night going into labour with dd2 and being in total pain and then realising I hadn't fed the cat yet so H was calling the cat in for her food and I was trying to put my shoes on which is kind of difficult when you're having contractions and you can't see your feet because your stomach is too round, lol, so there I was having a bad moment with my shoe laces and the neighbour walked in (this was 11pm at night).
She said, don't worry, I'll feed the cat. She tied my shoe laces whilst I was in extreme pain (no dignity there ) and started asking did I want her to water the plants.
I was like gritting my teeth and thinking I don't give a monkeys about the plants, just go away
When we brought her home a couple of days later, all the neighbours were standing outside our house, waiting with flowers and teddies. I didn't even get to hold her when we got in, as the neighbours were
Steam trains used to go by our house all the time, so we'd be out there in our dressing gowns, waiting for the 7am one to go by, with dd1 and we'd point out the trains to her.
We had street parties and everything. We would walk into each other's houses quite a bit and nobody minded.
Every night I used to wait for the 1am train to go by and I couldn't sleep until it had been. It was like my security blanket.
I simply loved that place and the community and it was such a great place to bring up our dd's. We were crazy to leave.
I hope we find somewhere that nice again in future where the community spirit is just as good.
Quote: the positives are he does at least say 'I understand why you feel like that' instead of immediately jumping in with a defensive. Before if we disagreed, he'd just fire all his arguments at me like it was battle ships. Now even if he doesn't always accept my point of view, I feel as if he hasn't just rubbished my feelings because he at least bothers to let me talk.
Boy, this sounds just like me many a time in my M. Ouch! I sure have learned a painful but important lesson about valuing or at least acknowledgin peacefully her different opinion.
Quote: Dress well and treat her like a Queen then she won't feel any need to run off with an OM.
Treating her like a Queen is great advice. I was starting to struggle with resentments building up, but I think this had a lot to do with downright fatigue than anything else, as she's been very friendly. I had the same thoughts about dressing well and keeping myself put together.
Have a great time at dinner tonight with H! Will it be at his place (truly H's place now that OW is moving)? Are you breaking out that new lingerie or are you holding onto low expectations?
Not a very good update - or it may just be me or perhaps it's my mood.
My friend was round this afternoon so I didn't answer the phone. I never answer when I have guests as I like to give my attention to the guest.
H left a message on my answerphone, saying he forgot he'd double-booked with this kid's birthday party that he and the girls were invited to 2 weeks ago and he just didn't remember when we arranged dinner.
Since our other date came undone as well (admittedly due to my illness) I was thinking I bet he double-booked on purpose. I was really riled as I bought in extra food especially. I asked him who was hosting the birthday party, and he told me the name of this woman he is friends with. This p*ssed me off even though it shouldn't.
Here is a bit of the dialogue which is from memory, not msn.
Me: is she aware of our situation? (i.e, that we're together).
H: Yes I told her everything (she is one of the few friends that know).
Don't get jealous, I'm with you, it's nothing like that. She just invited me ages ago and I forgot. She's going through a rough time at the moment so I didn't want to cancel.
Me: I know what you're like with people with problems, especially females with problems. I've done this before. (seething inside but calm sounding voice).
H: Yes and it wasn't even like that then.
(he had an emotional attachment to a woman in 1999. I accused him of an affair, he denied it. It wasn't actually a physical affair - he didn't even kiss the woman but he behaved in a way I found inappropriate for a married man and I felt betrayed, that's when our M problems started)
H: It was never what you thought and this isn't either. She's just a friend and the kids were invited to her son's party. Since I accepted before we arranged the dinner, it didn't seem right to cancel.
Me: Whatever.
H: I am sorry, we can do it again.
Me: Are you picking Alicia up?
H: Yes, I'll be there about 4.30. I've got a new car, I can show you that if you want.
Me: okay.
Well, then he turned up over an hour later than that so the ride in the new car was out, too. Grrrr!!!! I had re-centred in the meantime and even baked loads of fairy cakes with Alicia to give the children for the party, but then when he was late on top of that, my mood just went out the window.
I was snapping at Alicia, poor thing and it isn't her fault.
H came to the door apologising again about the dinner. I said nothing in response and went off to fetch the tin full of cakes. He then started apologising for being late because the traffic was bad.
I nodded and handed him the tin. He said what's that? Alicia told him it was the cakes that me and her had made (she 'helped' me with it, lol). I told H they are for the party. He said thanks and had a look at them, then said 'oh wow' to Alicia, who was enthusing about these cakes, and he picked her up and hugged her.
He then asked me if I wanted to see his car so I nodded again and we went outside. On the way out the door, he asked me how I am doing. I said okay thanks.
We got to the car - didn't even look at the make, lol - but it's one of those people carriers and it's black with these really smart looking door handles, they look like chrome or something. It was really posh.
I commented on the door handles and complimented him on his choice of car, then I said hello to my other kids who were in the car. H gave Lulu (5 yr old) the cake tin and they all said thank you for the cakes.
Then I turned to go back up the steps to my house and H was apologising again about the dinner.
He said I should catch a bus for about 3pm on Monday to his town and he'd pick me up from the bus station so we can go and watch Lulu's ballet together. He said 'You can come earlier if you want.' (i.e, if I came earlier, I'd have to go to his house prior to the ballet class) - he seems keen on me going to his place, I'll give him that. He's been trying to get me to go there since last Christmas. I said I would look up the bus times and get back to him. He said he would give me a lift back home in the evening if I wanted.
Then they left. I've a good mind to stand him up, grrrr!! but I was looking forward to my dd's ballet.
I'm sorry about tonight... that really stinks. H is acting like a man with a few lessons left to learn.
My WAW told me that one of my many mistakes (her list of my 'sins' is longer than Santa's list of children's wishes for toys! that peeved her most was when I chose others over her, like when someone stopped me in the hallway to "discuss" something, not abruptly saying "I'm sorry, but my wife is waiting."
I think this has to do with your earlier advice to me about treating her 'like a Queen.' I think most people, especially women (sorry if I sound sexist here) want to have demonstrated for them repeatedly that they are the most important person on this planet to their partner. I will not forget that lesson if given the chance. I once answered my cell phone (I've only done this a couple of times and don't know why I did so then) in front of my class early in our S, thinking it was S5. It was W and she was embarrassed when I said to her question of was this a good time to talk - "Well, I'm teaching right now!" Yet she was pleased that I placed a communication from her above that of my convo with 50 other folks.
It was big of you to make the tin of cookies and to compliment him on his car. His positives are that he seems well aware that he has wronged you and that he needs to make this up to you. His invitation for an earlier time on Monday was a nice olive branch, no?
JO: 2X4 to your H's butt and a "bad boy for being late" and another "why didn't you ask the host if you could bring Jo to the party. What's with Two women can't be in the same room" thinking. You know not your (Andy's) kids but our (Jo and Andy's) kids and her kids? da.
Suggestions? Just what I wrote above, suggesting he ask if it would have been OK if you went too. You and DD made the tin of cakes to contribute to the party In my books, anyone that brings something can come and stay. I get in trouble sometimes for my "all are welcome" attitude so don't take my opinion as the right thing to do in all cases.
Quote: I never answer when I have guests as I like to give my attention to the guest.
I always answer the phone if only to say I ahve company and I will call back around x time. If I came to your house and your phone rang I would be concerned or feel bad if you "didn't" answer it.
Andy and rescuing women. Seems somewhat familiar. Sometimes I try to rescue BB. Hay I am trying to help you now. So am I amy different than Andy? I guesss some guys buy the sleeping beauty story even if we cant keep the bride (friend that is hosting the BD party in this case).
Olive branch - mmm, right now the way I feel I want to tip the entire bowl of Greek salad over his head
Yes I know he is aware that he has disappointed me, I just wish sometimes I could feel like he thinks I'm worth something. Your W is right in that respect,it feels totally crappy when your H prioritizes meetings with other's over you. I'm only his life partner, after all.
I figured since he and the kids were going to this party I would rise my PMA by doing some home baking with Alicia. She really liked it and got the cake mixture everywhere and 'helped' me put the icing on. I did it more for my kids than him, to be honest, and to cheer myself up. But he did like it.
I was trying my hardest not to be angry in front of him so if I thought I was likely to say something angry, I just nodded or said nothing as that is safer. IF IT'S NOT POSITIVE DON'T SAY IT, or at least try hard not to. But his car IS very nice and since he's my H and we are dating, I kind of see it as my car also. I am looking forward to trips out in it and thinking in our future we might even go on holiday with that. So I was able to speak positively to him about it.
He was compromising asking me to come to his town and come earlier etc. I probably will. I just sometimes feel I am doing all the running and since we are dating I want him to give a little more, but I must try not to have many expectations - it's just difficult not to when he has acknowledged we are a couple and even told this friend of his about it.
I am in a different position than most DB'ers.
I've also not been back to his house since I lost my baby and am a bit worried about it. Plus, ex-ow may be there (I don't know if she will be). Maybe I should just bite the bullet and go. He will be moving eventually and the plan was that we move together.
My evening? I am writing up the trial in my book, not exactly a thing to improve my mood so I reckon I should leave that alone and just watch a film or something. Not a romance, though.
Maybe I'll watch Shrek 2 again because he got it for me and it's funny.
He was employed to drive me to college every day which is how we fell in love. Now he just drives me up the wall, instead of driving me around 
but I was looking forward to my dd's ballet.