Don't prove anything. It won't help and H will deny it.
Calm down. Now is the time to focus on YOU and your D1. What will make you happy? What can you do to change your focus from H to YOU? That is what has helped me tremendously is not focusing on H. I push thoughts out of my head and don't dwell on them. It won't help. GAL and detach, you have to for your sanity. Your focusing on your pain which is normal. I have been there. Try to pull yourself out of there. Do something fun, anything that can take your mind off things.
You are not stupid!!! Most of us have been in your shoes. Our Hs have lied, snuck around, etc. It is what they do. Right now, they are aliens. To survive, we have to detach and GAL. It does help. Each day to a little and it will get easier.
