Hello Everyone... Things are still really crazy. H is still rude and selfish. Tomorrow is H birthday and he hasn't said anything about doing anything. H hasn't seen D1 since Sunday and that hurts me. D1 likes to pick up my cell phone and say daddy. That kills me. My D1 is so special to me I dont know what I would do without her. H was rude today...he hurt my feelings by telling me that he never wanted another child that we had one because I wanted one....thats bull sh@t....we tried for a girl! I told him that if he felt that way then it is not necessary for him to see D1. He said that I am flipping everything around(of course I am doing something wrong) H said that he didn't want another child but he wouldn't give D1 up for the world. Hello you left her mommy and left her for another woman. I need to stop allowing him to hurt me...I think that he gets off from hurting me. I wonder where the man is that I married....he is not there anymore...Aliens anyone! lol Well, things don't look well for a reunion and now I feel that H is holding me away from my stepson. I hate him but at the same time still care for him. I hate the way that he treats me now! Well, I will get over this soon and be that happy person again. Sometimes I think that if we were to ever work this out my family would not want to be around me...they have a lot of anomosity built up for him right now. Well, should I call H for his birthday or not? Any suggestions?
For what it's worth, my W's Birthday was 3/17 and the MFT told me to straight out ignore it. I did just that and you know what?, it didn't bother me at all. She obviously didn't want me around on her birthday so I'm sure she didn't want a card from me either.
Hello, QT. I thought I would pipe in and although I am not able to give advice yet, I do know what you are going through. Our sitches are similar. So is the advice we are getting from others and it has been great advice. I know for me, I wish the sun could shine everyday, cause boy it helps.
I keep telling myself that yes, their R is doomed. If I do all these things for myself, he will notice. It is funny cause I care so much about him that I actually worry that he may find out too late what a mistake he made cause I will be in a great R with a handsome millionaire who helps me with the kids and the housework. lol. I know this is so hard. I will be following along and going through this with you. If you would like to know about me: My sitch
Well, its H bday and I did say Happy Birthday to him. He was thankful and of course started getting a little rude. H let me know that him and OW are tryong to work out their difference and he still loves her. Why do I let him do this to me. H should be putting his efforts into us not the OW. Well, Fu*k them both. I let him hurt me to many times. Now I am wonderfing what is wrong with me for letting him keep abusing me. I guess that I am starting to realize that it will not work out. I am sad but I guess that I will live..I do realize that I will get better later on in life. Trying to be strong....but belive me I wish that I knew how to be rude so that I might hurt him but I dont have it in me. I asked him for his address and he gave our house...I said no where you are living...then he asked if I was sending the D papers there....I told him I wouldn't make his birthday that great...H said that he doesn't want a D...how am I suppose to take that...he told me that he sees OW and they kiss but what am I suppose to do wait around until they have decided to do something. I really would like to know what to do? Any suggestions on what to say or do? I always felt that the only way to make him feel the way that I so is to succeed and not show pain. Any suggestions?
He was thankful and of course started getting a little rude... H should be putting his efforts into us not the OW.
What you think he should be doing and what he has decided as an individual, grown person to do, whether it's right or wrong, is his decision, right? Try to adopt the attitude that he's making those decisions he thinks are best for him. Ultimately, it may be that those very same decisions are best for you too.
But for now, I must tell you, I always wonder when a read a similar post where the WAS is described as being rude, angry, whatever, and no doubt their behavior is something as described. But it takes two, and I always wonder what the author of the post contributed. They will usually deny that they were anything less than near-perfect, and minimize whatever they did or said, or not even realize the unintended effect on the other that provoked the others' behavior. It's like that old saying, there's his side, there's her side, then there's the truth.
So it's helpful for you to look back at the event you described and examine it to see what you could've done better on your part, how you may have handled the sitch better. By writing this, I'm not assigning blame to you, you understand?
I let him hurt me to many times. Now I am wonderfing what is wrong with me for letting him keep abusing me.
You need to keep boundaries intact. The other thing is that you mustn't let other people affect you so.
I guess that I am starting to realize that it will not work out.
I think Richard Burton said that originally about Liz Taylor.
but belive me I wish that I knew how to be rude so that I might hurt him but I dont have it in me.
Don't think those thoughts, get rid of that behavior. I can tell you from what I've around the net that having the habit once in a while to feel like that will delay your healing process indefinitely. You can heal faster, better, or linger for many years hurting. It's up to you.
H said that he doesn't want a D...how am I suppose to take that...he told me that he sees OW and they kiss but what am I suppose to do wait around until they have decided to do something. I really would like to know what to do? Any suggestions on what to say or do? I always felt that the only way to make him feel the way that I so is to succeed and not show pain. Any suggestions?
While H is unsure of what he wants, that doesn't mean you need to wait on him. Move forward. The best way to take care of yourself and to attract him, if that's going to happen, is to actually let him go and you focus on yourself.
