Sorry you're feeling so lousy. Sorry you are in such pain. Unfortunately I don't think you have detached enough yet.
I mainly wanted to offer my sympathies but I suppose I could add in a couple of cents as well. I also think R with OW will spontaneously implode if you leave it alone. I do not think though that your marriage cannot be salvaged as long as OW is in the picture. I know it's like saying he can have his cake and eat it too, but I would take what he gives you in terms of a R and ignore the OW. I've seen other examples where the husband chose the OW, but then the LBS became the OW. It all depends on whether you are willing to accept your H having a relationship with another woman.
Have you been doing all you can to get a life? Have you been looking out for yourself? I know it's not easy even when you are getting a life to take your mind off your spouse. If you have been doing what you can to get a life and make yourself more attractive (I'm talking on the inside, but the outside is okay too) then he'll be drawn back to you. But does he deserve you? Something I find useful when I think of my wife with another man is to repeat to myself...doesn't matter because there isn't anyone out there as good for her as me. No other relationship could hold a candle to the one with me. It might be conceited, but it helps.
I hope you get to feeling better. If you have the time and money why don't you go do something nice for yourself. Get a massage, buy a new outfit, get your hair done. If you don't then take a nice bubble bath with candles. Whatever turns your crank.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
