I have an update but first of all guess what? My D1 walked 11 steps tonight....and I thought that it was going to be a rough night with no H. Boy did things turn out exciting for me and H was not here to see it (What a shame).
Well, on the homefront....lol H came over to see daughter...I gave them some alone time and they played in the backyard on some of the toys. I wish that he would have played with her like that when he lived here. We did have a little bit of a R talk. He said that he hates that he is breaking my heart but that he is hoping that this works out for the best between us. He said that maybe if we dont argue it will bring us back together in love. I feel that he has just given up and wants to see what else is out there that is better than me. He hurt me a little when he said that when he proposed that he was happy back then and now he just isnt...well...boo hoo! I am so sick of all the blaming me...if I route every argument back to the beginning...it was what he did that caused it. What I really want to let you know is that I really worked hardon myself(alone) I was working on the trust issue and our marriage without the support of H. But at the same time he was still fooling around. I told him that he never really gave us a real chance...because he never let OW out of his life to use that energy to focus on us....but he continued to be with her. He trys to state that it is totally a friendship now....bulls*$t! Once you go in that direction it is to easy to fall back into it! I feel like he has picked her over our family. He is taking the easy way of running away(Run Forrest, Run) but with him doing that it has made it harder on me. I have to drop off and pick up D1 from the sitter, I have to give the baths, I have to do the housework, have the 50 hour a week job, stay focused on the bils, the house, the laundry and so on! He gets to get off of work and do whatever he wants...he has no direct things that he is attached to right now. I wish that he could see what I put up with. H told me that he will not have my stepson this weekend....wow! that makes it easy on him to not have to do all of the school and after school running around. I am so sorry for going on and on but I feel that I needed to vent. I wish that he had this all slapped in the face so that he sees all that I do and maybe then he would appreciate me more....I just dont want it to get to be too late. I am trying to do this separation thing...I am just not good at it. I cant stand when my brain wants to think about things.
Thanks for listening....does anyone have anything to say?
