Hello Everyone... I got locked out of my other post so I had to open a new one. Maybe it is a new start...lol!
Well, this weekend was a crazy one. I didnt feel that I could stay in the house....I was feeling a litlle down. So...I packed up some clothes and went to Palm Desert to enjoy the sun. It was beautiful there and i was able to have a lot of fun with D1. On Saturday night the Marriot had a Jazz Concert and the weather was beautiful. D1 went with me and enjoyed herself. On Sunday we went in the pool.....D1 had a smile on her face the entire time. She also was pretending to jump in the pool with me holding her hads of course. I kept myself occupied so that I didnt have to think about anything...it worked a little. (A little is better than none) I just felt that I had to run from the entire situation so that I wouldn't go insane. H is staying with his sister which is within 2 miles from the OW...but congrats to them.....I hope that they are happy. I am trying to only focus on me and D1. Just wanting to stay busy. H came to the house last night at about 9pm....he wanted to see D1...hello....doesnt he know that she would be asleep! He got her up and visited for a few. Then he said that he was going to stay the night. I didnt even care if he came over. Well, he is going to get the rest of his things out today. You think that he would have done that when I was gone. I am starting to build up hate in my heart and I dont like that. I am trying to be happy...but I am sad still too!
Oh! H told me this morning that all he wants for us is to be happy together....(What is this)
P.S. Thank all of you for your support on Friday and Saturday. I was really having a hard time and you all made it easier for me. Please continue with your prayers and thoughts. I need the strength.
You must have driven right through my hood on your way to the CV! Which Marriott, Desert Springs or Rancho Las Palmas? I worked out in Palm Desert from 12/92 to 6/95, and they were both my accounts. It was beautiful living out there. We are having our annual Department Head planning meeting at Rancho Las Palmas Wed & Thu of next week. A little planning...a little golf, a little planning...a little day spa, a little planning...a little clubbing. It's rough you know?
Anyway, I'm glad your weekend went OK. Great job on that. You seem "done" in your writings. I want to remind you not to go too fast as it took me a few months to get where I am, which is "almost, for sure, done".
Alright, you have a great Monday too. My appointment with the MFT is at 4:15. The W's appointment with her is at 2:45. I don't know if I like that anymore.
"Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching." --Satchel Paige
I was at Rancho Las Palmas Country Club.....parents have a condo there. I was at the Marriott there....had some drinks out by the pool bar. It is totally relaxing. So where in the IE do you live...let me guess...Corona! I love it up there too....so peaceful and beautiful! The next time I want to go hot air ballooning again...I had a blast. Thanks for your support!
I got a ticket on the 10 fwy on my way up there....speeding...Yikes Now I am going to blame you for living in that direction...lol!
Hope you have a great Monday!
No more updates today...H said that he would like to stop by and see D1 tonight....I said okay...so when he gets there I will leave for a bit to go and GAL!
I have an update but first of all guess what? My D1 walked 11 steps tonight....and I thought that it was going to be a rough night with no H. Boy did things turn out exciting for me and H was not here to see it (What a shame).
Well, on the homefront....lol H came over to see daughter...I gave them some alone time and they played in the backyard on some of the toys. I wish that he would have played with her like that when he lived here. We did have a little bit of a R talk. He said that he hates that he is breaking my heart but that he is hoping that this works out for the best between us. He said that maybe if we dont argue it will bring us back together in love. I feel that he has just given up and wants to see what else is out there that is better than me. He hurt me a little when he said that when he proposed that he was happy back then and now he just isnt...well...boo hoo! I am so sick of all the blaming me...if I route every argument back to the beginning...it was what he did that caused it. What I really want to let you know is that I really worked hardon myself(alone) I was working on the trust issue and our marriage without the support of H. But at the same time he was still fooling around. I told him that he never really gave us a real chance...because he never let OW out of his life to use that energy to focus on us....but he continued to be with her. He trys to state that it is totally a friendship now....bulls*$t! Once you go in that direction it is to easy to fall back into it! I feel like he has picked her over our family. He is taking the easy way of running away(Run Forrest, Run) but with him doing that it has made it harder on me. I have to drop off and pick up D1 from the sitter, I have to give the baths, I have to do the housework, have the 50 hour a week job, stay focused on the bils, the house, the laundry and so on! He gets to get off of work and do whatever he wants...he has no direct things that he is attached to right now. I wish that he could see what I put up with. H told me that he will not have my stepson this weekend....wow! that makes it easy on him to not have to do all of the school and after school running around. I am so sorry for going on and on but I feel that I needed to vent. I wish that he had this all slapped in the face so that he sees all that I do and maybe then he would appreciate me more....I just dont want it to get to be too late. I am trying to do this separation thing...I am just not good at it. I cant stand when my brain wants to think about things.
Thanks for listening....does anyone have anything to say?
I am sitting here reading your post and its as if you picked the thoughts right out of my brain. I have said some of those things so many times. "You never gave us a chance because you never stopped talking to OW' Its true! How can you see what your feelings are when you have someone else tugging your heartstrings in the other direction. Its like a brick wall. Then about the responsibilities in the house. My H has gotten better about that, but still no baths. I do that! But one thing you have to start doing (as I do too) is stop trying to put blame on the arguments of the past. If A's have taught us anything it is that something was wrong in the M for it to have happened. What was wrong, that may not be obvious but something was wrong in our spouses minds. I've tried to look hard at myself and see some of the things that I may have done to contribute to H's unhappiness. I have come up with some, and changed those traits about myself. If anything it is making me a better person, as your changes are for you. H even told our counselor (in the summer) that there is nothing wrong with me. Its him and he doesnt know why.
You seem to be a black and white person, like myself. so for us shades of grey are very hard to deal with. I still cant fathom why this is going on? I guess we will never know. My H has shown remorse on a few occasions about the sitch but for the most part ignores that it is even happening. The fact that your H has said that if things progress the way they have been there is a chance for you. You may not have like his delivery but that was him declaring his willingness to try. Dont ya think?
Its ok to vent - just dont stay in that place too long...It creates resentment. Hell I just vented on my thread. But I vent to get it out of my head. Then I try to pick myself back up and be positive.
The past two days have been a little hard for me. I am a little lonely and I feel pushed away. H is still gone and it seems as if he sleeps most of his extra time. At least thats what I am told. I spoke to him this morning but he seemed frusterated so I said bye. I thought that he was coming over tonight to get his other car...I guess not! H invited me to go to our nieces bday dinner(on his side) but that was a few days ago and he never said anything else...and since its late I guess I wasnt thought about again. Sorry I am in baby mode...Pity Poor Michelle moment! I hope that you all have a great night.
H just came over to pick up his car. He told me that he had invited me to our nieces but I never called him to talk about it.(We didnt argue at all) H told me that he wishes me a wonderful night...but to me it looked like he was going to cry....I dont know how to take that. I hate this entire thing. Thanks for listening
Now I am going to blame you for living in that direction...lol!